7 Sure Signs Your Ex Definitely Wants You Back - Don’t End Up The One That Got Away
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2007
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
Chances are that you’ve done it too. A man or woman breaks up with you and you don't want him or her to forget about you, so you email asking if he or she is alright, then email again asking if it was alright that you emailed. Then you “accidentally" run into him or her at his or usual joint, gym or gas station and act as if you’ve moved on. Or may be you organized a get-together for your mutual friends (but mostly his or hers) and called to see if he or she wanted to come too? Or may be you date someone you know he or she will hear about with the hope of making him or her jealous.
Will they chase you if they think you've moved on - which you obviously haven't?
First of all, pretending that you have moved on will backfire. He or she will assume the relationship didn’t mean much to you anyway and that he or she should move on as well. And that’s the last thing you want.
So how can you be sure you don’t end up becoming the "one that got away"? How do you show him or her that you haven’t given up? How do you make it clear that you are free, available, waiting and wanting?
Getting an ex back is not always easy and not always guaranteed, but carefully following these suggestions will double your chances of success.
First of all, do you really want to get back together again?
If you have to rationalize how much this person and the relationship fulfills you (or hinders you) then you need to re-think if this is really what you want. If this person and the relationship does not bring real love but instead causes you significant conflict, grief, anger and pain, then it is highly unlikely that this person is the right man or woman for you.
Second of all, is he or she giving you indication he or she wants to get back together?
Do not mistake this with hanging on a lifeline which he or she has got dangling - there are some men and women who are turned on by the fact that you are still obsessing about them. I mean real indication that he or she definitely wants you back and is willing to pursue you if you're willing to be pursued. Here are some signs he or she definitely wants you back:
1) Makes initiative to reach out to you either directly or through mutual friends and relatives.
2) Looks at you or touches you the same as when he or she first met you
3) Hangs around longer, in person an on phone, or sends you frequent short emails, whatever he or she can to be near you.
4) Makes effort not just to improve him or herself but let you know they are doing their best to make themselves more attractive to you. This includes working though inner issues, improving personal appearance, getting a better job or anything to become more financially stable, committing to spiritual growth, becoming more social etc.
5) Makes a lot of sincere effort to explain and make it right if he or she suspects they’ve done something to upset or disappoint you; e.g. if he or she told you they'd call at a certain time, but didn’t.
6) Steers conversations to talking about your breakup and how things could have been better.
7) Alludes to a future that includes you in it.
If he or she is doing all these things, the ball is your court now.
One, you can go for the direct approach, that is, cast your pride and ego aside and lay it on the line; let him or her know how you feel. The problem with this approach is that, when a person breaks up with you, it’s usually for a good reason (good as far as they are concerned), and even though they want to you back, at the back of their minds, there is always some concern that they might be making the wrong decision, just telling him or her that you’re willing to work on all the issues you two had isn’t going to put those concerns to rest.
Two, this is also a direct approach but one that is based on “actions speak louder than words":
1. Do everything you can to make sure that the reason he or she broke up with you – usually it’s an emotional one – no longer exists. Get help and really work though your issues.
2. Make some improvements on you personal appearance. Nothing says "brand new" like a new look. Don’t go extreme on this as you may end up looking like a stranger. Most people don't like their exes changing what originally attracted them.
3. Take the initiative to call at least every other day and this time make a real effort to connect emotionally and spiritually, in addition to mentally and sexually (The articles section of my website has an article “Must Read For Anyone Who Attracts Men/Women But Can't Get Them To Stay" that you’ll find very useful in making sure the bond between the two on you is strong.
4. Ask him or her to hang out, and while hanging out, suggest doing some of the fun and emotionally bonding things the two of you used to do. This will remind him or her of what the two of you had, and it will make him or her very nostalgic.
5. Surprise him or her by flirting and seducing him or her in a whole different way, a whole different way. One of the common mistakes that some people do when they are trying to get an ex back is assume that because an ex already knows how they are, they don’t need to flirt or seduce them again. This is a huge mistake. If you are going to do a powerful comeback, you need to boost your inner power of attraction and personal magnetism. If the attraction is stronger than the first time, you are half-way to success (In the articles section of my website under the art of seduction, you'll find some not so known tips on subtle but powerful ways to seduce a man or woman with the inner power of sexual energy).
Make sure that you do not try too hard to make him or her like you. Instead your efforts should be to be a better person than when he or she knew you from before.
Not many people are that fortunate to get a second chance. Make it work!
If you are interested in learning how to get ypur ex back without coming across as pushy, needy or controlling, you might want to check out my e-Book - Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main webstie: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
Will they chase you if they think you've moved on - which you obviously haven't?
First of all, pretending that you have moved on will backfire. He or she will assume the relationship didn’t mean much to you anyway and that he or she should move on as well. And that’s the last thing you want.
So how can you be sure you don’t end up becoming the "one that got away"? How do you show him or her that you haven’t given up? How do you make it clear that you are free, available, waiting and wanting?
Getting an ex back is not always easy and not always guaranteed, but carefully following these suggestions will double your chances of success.
First of all, do you really want to get back together again?
If you have to rationalize how much this person and the relationship fulfills you (or hinders you) then you need to re-think if this is really what you want. If this person and the relationship does not bring real love but instead causes you significant conflict, grief, anger and pain, then it is highly unlikely that this person is the right man or woman for you.
Second of all, is he or she giving you indication he or she wants to get back together?
Do not mistake this with hanging on a lifeline which he or she has got dangling - there are some men and women who are turned on by the fact that you are still obsessing about them. I mean real indication that he or she definitely wants you back and is willing to pursue you if you're willing to be pursued. Here are some signs he or she definitely wants you back:
1) Makes initiative to reach out to you either directly or through mutual friends and relatives.
2) Looks at you or touches you the same as when he or she first met you
3) Hangs around longer, in person an on phone, or sends you frequent short emails, whatever he or she can to be near you.
4) Makes effort not just to improve him or herself but let you know they are doing their best to make themselves more attractive to you. This includes working though inner issues, improving personal appearance, getting a better job or anything to become more financially stable, committing to spiritual growth, becoming more social etc.
5) Makes a lot of sincere effort to explain and make it right if he or she suspects they’ve done something to upset or disappoint you; e.g. if he or she told you they'd call at a certain time, but didn’t.
6) Steers conversations to talking about your breakup and how things could have been better.
7) Alludes to a future that includes you in it.
If he or she is doing all these things, the ball is your court now.
One, you can go for the direct approach, that is, cast your pride and ego aside and lay it on the line; let him or her know how you feel. The problem with this approach is that, when a person breaks up with you, it’s usually for a good reason (good as far as they are concerned), and even though they want to you back, at the back of their minds, there is always some concern that they might be making the wrong decision, just telling him or her that you’re willing to work on all the issues you two had isn’t going to put those concerns to rest.
Two, this is also a direct approach but one that is based on “actions speak louder than words":
1. Do everything you can to make sure that the reason he or she broke up with you – usually it’s an emotional one – no longer exists. Get help and really work though your issues.
2. Make some improvements on you personal appearance. Nothing says "brand new" like a new look. Don’t go extreme on this as you may end up looking like a stranger. Most people don't like their exes changing what originally attracted them.
3. Take the initiative to call at least every other day and this time make a real effort to connect emotionally and spiritually, in addition to mentally and sexually (The articles section of my website has an article “Must Read For Anyone Who Attracts Men/Women But Can't Get Them To Stay" that you’ll find very useful in making sure the bond between the two on you is strong.
4. Ask him or her to hang out, and while hanging out, suggest doing some of the fun and emotionally bonding things the two of you used to do. This will remind him or her of what the two of you had, and it will make him or her very nostalgic.
5. Surprise him or her by flirting and seducing him or her in a whole different way, a whole different way. One of the common mistakes that some people do when they are trying to get an ex back is assume that because an ex already knows how they are, they don’t need to flirt or seduce them again. This is a huge mistake. If you are going to do a powerful comeback, you need to boost your inner power of attraction and personal magnetism. If the attraction is stronger than the first time, you are half-way to success (In the articles section of my website under the art of seduction, you'll find some not so known tips on subtle but powerful ways to seduce a man or woman with the inner power of sexual energy).
Make sure that you do not try too hard to make him or her like you. Instead your efforts should be to be a better person than when he or she knew you from before.
Not many people are that fortunate to get a second chance. Make it work!
If you are interested in learning how to get ypur ex back without coming across as pushy, needy or controlling, you might want to check out my e-Book - Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main webstie: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
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More commentsWhat a great article. I needed those tipsPlease log in to respond to this comment.
I was seeing this chick for about 3 months and she made it perfectly clear she liked me on the phone. The problem we had were we were talking non stop on the phone for weeks because she was busy and had genuine valid reasons for being busy which i accepted. She said herself when she starts her new job she will be able to see me much more. She told her mum about me, her friends, her family, and we talked about deep things for like 4-5 hours most nights, sometimes talking till sunrise because we just got on like that. I met her twice and we had a great time, it was really good, but then because of her schedule she got busy but we were STILL talking on the phone like we were in a relationship. It was very strange. Then, this guy turns up and she says to me "i cant speak to you anymore, because we've been drifting" havent you seen the signs?? Granted she had just had a heavy night before and was probably not feeling great but thats just not what you say to someone. Anyway later in a telephone convo again she told me she said those things because she didnt want to complicate matters and had to see this guy but to this day she never said sorry or apologised for just going without really explaining why - girls are confused because:. THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, BUT WANT EVERYTHING. So they will look over things like minor imperfections in looks and so on but they will still think the grass is always greener on the other side. She always used to say to me,"God, i cant believe the way we speak, ive never had this before with anyone", and asking me about the future and what would happen etc.. Ive been out of the dating loop for ages and when i met this girl she really sparked my interest. I really miss talking to her and making her laugh, but there were cracks in the relationship that would have become apparent - like she didnt know when to say sorry about her actions, but would say sorry all the time if she didnt call me back!. how weird. Anyway, i havent spoken to her for a month or so now, i dropped her voicemail a couple of weeks back and she just text me back saying she was out at the moment and would call me the next day to catch up. It never happened. In fact, she told me she would call that day, next week, etc a number of times previous to this, but it never happened. And she never told me she cannot speak to me - she tries to maintain being nice. I guess she cant say to me that she cant speak to me because she still likes me, or maybe im just the reserve guy on the backburner....either way its not a good situation because i cant stop thinking about her. My friends think im crazy but she really drew me close to her during those conversations and then this guy turned up. And to top it off, she doesnt even see this guy that often either? I sometimes wake up feeling really vulnerable and shes the first thing that pops into my head and thats the worst state to be in because it makes me want to call her since i felt most comfortable speaking to her. i tried to make it so i hate her inside, and sometimes that works, but other times i just feel so angry that she treated me like that, and then also drew me in so much... why do girls do this? And then they are completely happy to just move onto the next guy without a care in the world? I mean sure, we werent bf and gf, but we were sure talking like that, and we got really close. I wanted to see her so often but she was just so busy - everyday i would call her and she would be saying im just getting ready to go my auntys, or i have a shift at work, or i have to drop so and so off here - and she said her family comes first so i respected that. Its weird she had all angles covered...help!Please log in to respond to this comment.
"Chances are that you’ve done it too. A man or woman breaks up with you and you don't want him or her to forget about you, so you email asking if he or she is alright, then email again asking if it was alright that you emailed. Then you “accidentally" run into him or her at his or usual joint, gym or gas station and act as if you’ve moved on. Or may be you organized a get-together for your mutual friends (but mostly his or hers) and called to see if he or she wanted to come too? Or may be you date someone you know he or she will hear about with the hope of making him or her jealous."
*** I think this is the problem. Your advice is for those who "ACT." Maybe if people would get real in the first place none of this advice would be necessary. Please give advice to those like me who are looking for someone genuine, but ends up with the fickle, immature, and insecure which you just exampled.Please log in to respond to this comment.
If you want to get him back, then make sure that the relationship is an improvement on what it was. Getting him to come back is not difficult but for it to be meaningful, then you must make sure that he wants to come back to a committed relationship.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Was seeing this guy for 8 months. At the beginning I told him I didn't want him to fall in love with me because I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit to a relationship again. After a few months he told me that he loved me and understood everything I went through at that he'll never leave my sight. He used to send me poems and nice messages everyday at all times. I kept seeing him, we had a wonderful time together and I finally started having feelings for him. He told me I was everything he was looking for in a woman. And of the sudden he tells me he doesn't know what happen to him but when we talk he can't even look at me. I will like to get him back but I don't see the same person I fell in love with.Please log in to respond to this comment.
i once dated this guy named chris that i liked. before we dated i really liked him alot, but then i found out that mahh best friend had a crush on him too. so when chris asked me out i was really happy. We went to the movies together and had a really good time. but after the first couple of days, my friend told me that she has a crush on me and shes upset that im goin out with him. i got upset because she wouldnt talk to me, but not as a friend. I loved chris and i knew he liked me too but i decided to break up with him because of my friend. now its been a summer and im falling in love with him again, but i dont know if he likes me or my friend tiffany. we almost madeout at the last pal dance and i really wanted to but i knew tiffany would be upset so i didnt. i love him now and i cried yesterday thinking of him. Can someone please help me?!Please log in to respond to this comment.
srry i meant she has a crush on him, not mehhPlease log in to respond to this comment.
my boyfriend and i broke up officially just over a week ago.
we were together for one year.
we both have baggage to deal with.
we stuck by each other through the good and the bad.
i just wish we were together again, because i want him to see that there was magic between us and that as long as we have each other we can make it through.
i keep thinking if we could talk we could clear things up and try again. but i think doing that right now will make things worse.so even though i really need him back, im giving him the last thing i can give him, im letting him go.
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powerful kumar, I still laugh every time I think of my former ex (now fiance). I had the adult dysfunctions revenge spell cast on him and got to hear the stories come in. He couldn’t figure out what had happened to him. He tried pills, creams, anything over the counter or under to help his situation. After watching him suffer a bit, I was sympathetic and we talked, ended up working out our differences and I reversed the spell. He still doesn’t know what happened and I still laugh when I think about it...thanks powerful kumar......powerfulkumarspell@yahoo
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powerful kumar, I still laugh every time I think of my former ex (now fiance). I had the adult dysfunctions revenge spell cast on him and got to hear the stories come in. He couldn’t figure out what had happened to him. He tried pills, creams, anything over the counter or under to help his situation. After watching him suffer a bit, I was sympathetic and we talked, ended up working out our differences and I reversed the spell. He still doesn’t know what happened and I still laugh when I think about it...thanks powerful kumar. powerfulkumarspell@yahoo
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