How To Play Hard To Get And Still Get Him Or Her To Fall In Love
Posted: Monday, July 02, 2007
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
Many men and women in an attempt to create that sense of mystery, unfamiliarity, and the thrill of the chase end up becoming too elusive (playing impossible to get) that the other person assumes they’re not interested or the other person after a while gets tired, gives up and moves on.
The whole point of “playing hard to get" is to demonstrate your VALUE to others and you can’t do that by being too available (clingy, needy or eager to please) nor by simply making yourself unavailable (saying "no" all the time or making yourself too scarce) or even by being overly aggressive ( being manipulative, demanding or controlling). You demonstrate VALUE by creating a sense of exclusiveness (exceptional and extraordinary).
Creating that sense of “exclusiveness" requires:
1) A wise and intelligent awareness about what you are doing
Look at it this way—you’re the owner of a luxurious brand who wants to confer an image of superior quality to a buyer. You are not going to achieve this by using “open house," (I’m desperate, I will take anyone) or “permanently out of stock" (don’t take calls, cancel dates, try to make him or her jealous etc) methods. You confer an image of superior quality by a good understanding of yourself first and foremost.
Self-awareness is the key. I cannot stress this enough. Self-awareness especially awareness of your sexual imprint (why you are attracted to certain people and not others, why you behave the way you behave, why you fear what you fear, why you believe what you believe and do what you do etc) will enable you direct your energy in positive ways, make the right decisions and maintain balance and moderation.
2) Knowledge of what appeals to a particular man or woman
Each and everyone of us has a uniquely personalized set of things that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. How do you figure out what attracts or repels a particular man or woman? One, by asking questions... lots of them. Ask questions with the intention of finding out what makes him or her tick - his or her own sexual imprint. And two, by doing things that make him or her feel that you truly and genuinely understand him or her as a unique individual. When you tap into the deepest and sometimes most forbidden desires, fantasies, and passions of a person, it is possible to spend just five minutes with him or her and create such strong attraction that he or she later on, on their own, recalls the experience with good feelings about seeing and being with you again. It's this "good feelings" that fuel the chase.
3) Ability to make someone feel special without seeming too needy or eager to please
If somebody is going to chase you, they want to know with some degree of certainty that you are worth the chase. There’s nothing that is a bigger turnoff for both men and women than someone who is predictable, not much of a challenge, too rigid or controlling, desperate or too eager to please, incurably negative and downright boring. The person must feel that you’re worth his or her time and energy and what he or she is chasing is not something he or she can easily get on the street corner but rather something offered to only a “privileged" few. Men and women want to feel that you're valuable and only those who deserve it will earn you as a reward. It’s kind of like a “members only" exclusive club where the person being allowed in feels “they must be special". When you make someone feel special, they in return will feel you are also special.
4) Capacity to impact on someone's life so much that they are positively transformed as a result of knowing you
Really savvy and skilled brand creators take “exclusivity" one step further. They just don’t stop at “by invitation only" phase, but instead create an entire lifestyle. That is, they challenge a man or woman pursing them to become more of themselves and do more than they’d dared to do before. If your words, actions, and behaviours can actually make the person experience a very strong state of arousal, excitement or deep sense of peace creating strong memories those memories will be added to the person’s sexual imprint and so will you - forever.
Playing hard to get done the right way can be the most powerful form of seduction there is. And we all have the ability to craft transcendent experiences that can make our dates, lovers, and spouses feel they are flirting (literally!) with the unpredictable and the unknown in a most intense, agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, enticing, enlivening, and reality altering way.
Who wouldn’t want to spend eternity with someone like that?
If you are just getting to know a man or woman and not sure whether he or she is “playing hard to get" or just "not interested" see my article: How Do You Tell If Someone Is Playing Hard To Get Or Just Not Interested? (article can be found in the Articles section of my website under sub-heading The Art Of Seduction).
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
The whole point of “playing hard to get" is to demonstrate your VALUE to others and you can’t do that by being too available (clingy, needy or eager to please) nor by simply making yourself unavailable (saying "no" all the time or making yourself too scarce) or even by being overly aggressive ( being manipulative, demanding or controlling). You demonstrate VALUE by creating a sense of exclusiveness (exceptional and extraordinary).
1) A wise and intelligent awareness about what you are doing
Look at it this way—you’re the owner of a luxurious brand who wants to confer an image of superior quality to a buyer. You are not going to achieve this by using “open house," (I’m desperate, I will take anyone) or “permanently out of stock" (don’t take calls, cancel dates, try to make him or her jealous etc) methods. You confer an image of superior quality by a good understanding of yourself first and foremost.
Self-awareness is the key. I cannot stress this enough. Self-awareness especially awareness of your sexual imprint (why you are attracted to certain people and not others, why you behave the way you behave, why you fear what you fear, why you believe what you believe and do what you do etc) will enable you direct your energy in positive ways, make the right decisions and maintain balance and moderation.
2) Knowledge of what appeals to a particular man or woman
Each and everyone of us has a uniquely personalized set of things that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. How do you figure out what attracts or repels a particular man or woman? One, by asking questions... lots of them. Ask questions with the intention of finding out what makes him or her tick - his or her own sexual imprint. And two, by doing things that make him or her feel that you truly and genuinely understand him or her as a unique individual. When you tap into the deepest and sometimes most forbidden desires, fantasies, and passions of a person, it is possible to spend just five minutes with him or her and create such strong attraction that he or she later on, on their own, recalls the experience with good feelings about seeing and being with you again. It's this "good feelings" that fuel the chase.
3) Ability to make someone feel special without seeming too needy or eager to please
If somebody is going to chase you, they want to know with some degree of certainty that you are worth the chase. There’s nothing that is a bigger turnoff for both men and women than someone who is predictable, not much of a challenge, too rigid or controlling, desperate or too eager to please, incurably negative and downright boring. The person must feel that you’re worth his or her time and energy and what he or she is chasing is not something he or she can easily get on the street corner but rather something offered to only a “privileged" few. Men and women want to feel that you're valuable and only those who deserve it will earn you as a reward. It’s kind of like a “members only" exclusive club where the person being allowed in feels “they must be special". When you make someone feel special, they in return will feel you are also special.
4) Capacity to impact on someone's life so much that they are positively transformed as a result of knowing you
Really savvy and skilled brand creators take “exclusivity" one step further. They just don’t stop at “by invitation only" phase, but instead create an entire lifestyle. That is, they challenge a man or woman pursing them to become more of themselves and do more than they’d dared to do before. If your words, actions, and behaviours can actually make the person experience a very strong state of arousal, excitement or deep sense of peace creating strong memories those memories will be added to the person’s sexual imprint and so will you - forever.
Playing hard to get done the right way can be the most powerful form of seduction there is. And we all have the ability to craft transcendent experiences that can make our dates, lovers, and spouses feel they are flirting (literally!) with the unpredictable and the unknown in a most intense, agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, enticing, enlivening, and reality altering way.
Who wouldn’t want to spend eternity with someone like that?
If you are just getting to know a man or woman and not sure whether he or she is “playing hard to get" or just "not interested" see my article: How Do You Tell If Someone Is Playing Hard To Get Or Just Not Interested? (article can be found in the Articles section of my website under sub-heading The Art Of Seduction).
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
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More commentsWorking this hard to discover someone's sexual imprint sounds overly needy and accommodating. It makes sense a few years into a long-term relationship to try to discover one another at this level, but not in dating. The whole point of playing hard-to-get is to establish that the other person is going to have to be confident, carry their own weight and see beyond their own needs enough to pursue companionship without prompting. I agree, you should be yourself and know your boundaries, but, if they don't like what they see, you should move on and find someone who does.Please log in to respond to this comment.
christine j sojka PLAYING HARD TO GET is nonsense.just because some one is hard to get,doesn't mean we want him.brad pitt would be hard for me to get.I COULD CARE LESS! angelina jolie could care less too,she's just in that situation for the sensational publicity,and oh yes,the kids. it's a myth that playing hard to get will get you what you want.A PERSON IS RIGHT FOR YOU OR THEY ARE NOT.and most "relationships" are phoney.the only thing these people are in love with are their ulterior motives.Please log in to respond to this comment.just because youv'e had bad relationships with someone that was a selfish low-life, doesn't mean you need to compare everyone to the same person. Everyone is different, and some people (non-clingy type) would never think twice about cheating on their significant other. Thiers a whole sea of people out there, Im sure you'll meet the one of your dreams, just keep looking.Please log in to respond to this comment.Sounds like you been hurt by someone you really trust....its going to be ok. Don't give up on love.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Well, I need some help. I may have fell for someone on the Internet, they are flirty and not in a bad way, they respect me very much, and they show it to me in every way possible, they also do some of the things in your post about the 15 strong proves of his/her love, they're very kind and sweet, we are so close to admitting it but we won't because I won't let them, I want it to stay like that for a while so their love would grow more, could you tell me how to act hard-to-get when they get online and all?, oh p.s. I've known them for 2 years now. I will check soon to see your responce, I hope I get one, thank you. :] I am a girl by the way, just thought you would know.Please log in to respond to this comment.Hmm, I'm getting no responce. ='[ Please, help.Please log in to respond to this comment.I think if you haven't met him in person yet.... how could you even begin to know them? You only know their response on their own time...Please log in to respond to this comment.How can you fall for someone you have not even met or have you? If you haven't met and it's been two years, do you think that a person who is interested to know you better will wait that long? Think about it. Maybe that person online is just trying to keep you on the string.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Playing hard to get is disrespectful, dishonest and counterproductive.Playing hard to get is not about establishing value, it's about establishing dominance via emotional abuse.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Play hard to get it is something I find difficult to do especially if I am very interested in someone.Last year I falled in love for someone who at one point disappeared, I looked for him asking for explanation.....the only answer he said "it is not nice to listen some things".....from him of course........I stopped seeing him for 7 months as I realised that he split up with a woman he was madly in love with, and I did not want to be the rebound woman. This summer I asked him to meet to visit a museum to see if I was still in love with him. I am not any longer, still I feel hooked and I cannot let it go; I have never experienced anything like that before and is killing me. The chemistry and the feeling I have when I am with him is fantastic. We started again meeting however he is available and withdrown at the same time.........sending me opposite signals all the time. Result is that I cannot sleep well and in my sub concious is always there as I dream of him .......By the way we are not kids anymore , around fifty and he is got a huge baggageI felt not to send any greetings for his birthday few days ago as he does not show consideration for me why should I?I would apprecaite your opinions.Thank youPlease log in to respond to this comment.
to the above comment,I totally understand your situation. We always like the one whos not that interested in us cuz we, as humans like challenge. If a guy comes to you and always is available to you, will u still be interested? NO, cuz u know u can get him ANYTIME you WANT. The same goes to him if you show him too much interest. This is like when we go shopping and see a really expensive LV bag, we want it so badly cuz its really valuable...so we work hard to get it...once its yours, that feeling goes away, cuz its urs already....So my advice is, enjoy this moment, cuz once u guys are together....it's done (its like movies...they always show u the process of how they fall in love, but it ends with "they live happily ever after" cuz its not fun anymore when they r together)Hope it helps?:)Please log in to respond to this comment.
great advise,,,, awesome.... caant waaait til i can move outta my house an meet somebody... my dad don't let me date. . . doesn't mean i don't do it anyways lol but i just cannnot wait to get a real boyfriend that wont leave me *cough cough* Mike *cough cough*Please log in to respond to this comment.
interesting stuff, but i think the key is being honest with your feelings. trying to hide your interest will turn the other person off. even if you do "catch" them, do you really want to chase your potential boyfriend/girlfriend? in all likelihood, they are a game-playing type of person who will play games with you later in the relationship.Please log in to respond to this comment.
This article dont work. If u want a girl like i get alot. BE ROMANTIC. Girls love drama and all those chick flicks no offense to u girls but yea. Just ask her cuz girls have a big heart and are more willing to say yes, nd if they say no dont keep on asking. There are more fishes on the sea. Here are my 5 rules on girls1.) Treat them nice2.) Dont make fun of them3.) Make them feel special4.) Be romantic and dont act like a punk or lie5.) Dont judge them bu the way they are or look they are all the same.Please log in to respond to this comment.
This was an outstanding artcle. It's not about playing a "game" it is evaluating what one wants in their life.I personally, don't want someone who does not know what they want, is just out for the chase or is desperate to have a woman in their life. I want someone who values me and who they are as well.An intelligent man (which is what I am looking for) will take the time to get to know me, introduce me to thier life and the things that give them passion in their world. That is seduction in the purest form for me. If they are all over me and pressuring me to move forward too quickly...(and I have clearly communicated my desire to get to know them better first) I am out of there. They have proven to me that it is only about them and their wants...and they are too shallow to make it past the physcial desire.I am certainly capable of a one-night stand but typically, if I jump in to something on the first or second date...that is because I see no long-term value in the potential of this relationship. To give time and attention to the "dance of discovery", means they are worth more to me. Also, if a man is self-controled enough and shows me he is mentally strong enough to surpass his mere physical urges...I can bet he is a much better lover to boot. (Patient, unselfish, savors the essence of me and the moment by valuing himself and me enough to pursue with patience) A quick trist is fun, but boiling passion is much more fulfilling and worth the wait in my book.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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