Do You Intimidate Men And Put Them Off Before The Chase Even Begins?
Posted: Wednesday, July 04, 2007
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
There are many gorgeous strong successful career women who say they find themselves quite lonely and would love to meet the right man but when they go on dates they rarely are asked for a second, and the relationships they get into do not last because men find them "intimidating".
It’s true that SOME men -- especially those who consider such women out of their league-- find gorgeous strong successful career women "threatening" to their manhood but there is more to this than just "insecure" men.
But there are some women who use “men are intimidated by my success" to cover up male-alienating-behaviours that are so deep rooted that they don’t even know they have them. First contact with them makes even me (a people-person) step back and wonder if I really want to get to know this person, which in turn makes me wonder if this is the way men they come in contact with feel. Some of them in the beginning come across as really nice fun loving women but soon or later the sarcastic, put-down, bitter, insecure, clingy, controlling, manipulative, selfish and self-interested, negative and desperate person hiding behind “men are intimidated by my success" comes out. And it is this --not the “success" -- that so many men have such a difficult time dealing with, even men who are successful in their own right.
Many women may not want to hear this but there is a HUGE difference between being a truly independent woman who can think for herself and is strong enough to stand on her own, won't take the abuse that an insecure man usually dishes out and is confident enough to allow a man to get close to her and a woman whose behaviour causes any man in his right senses to think twice about entering, pursuing or remaining in the relationship.
When it comes to meeting the right man and having the relationship of your dreams, true independence has little to do with looks, academic degrees, what you’ve been able to achieve career wise or materially and everything to do with how you truly feel on the inside. On the outside, you may appear to be warm, friendly, vibrant, intelligent and have a great sense of humour but the real you inside (the little girl afraid of rejection or abandonment crying out “I’ll make you love me" or the hurt and angry b
inside screaming “chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out") turns guys off before the chase even begins. Some really great guy might try to come close and try to stick around but after a while he too can’t take it anymore.
Often times the very skills that make us very successful in a male-dominated work environment are the ones that don’t work for us when it comes to love. It’s finding that GREAT balance of masculine and feminine energies that is your key to the relationship of your dreams. And PLEASE for the nth time, femininity is not just about looking/dressing and “acting" feminine - it’s about embodying the whole essence of mother earth in all her magnificence and ageless beauty.
If you are looking to meet a man who is attracted to and is “turned on" mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually by a woman who challenges him on all those levels, the first place to start is within - and this time really BE open and honest with yourself as you work though your own insecurities, pain or skewed sexual programming.
Trust me, there are a lot of men who are so confident in who they are and so secure with themselves and would do ANYTHING (and without any bit of bitterness and resentment) to have "the whole package". I personally know many of these men.
The ones with serious insecurity issues will of course continue to be intimidated by you, but that is theirs to work on. Trying to adjust your life to them would be too much of unnecessary sacrifice - and frankly, IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Christina, another excellent and informative article. I couldn't agree with you more about there being available men who appreciates a woman who challenges him on every level. And also how it would NOT be wise for a woman to change who she is simply because a man is insecure. Will we [women] ever really learn? I hope so!Please log in to respond to this comment.Thank you, Avis. I do hope that we (men and women both) learn a lot from what Marianne Williamson wrote "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."Please log in to respond to this comment.
Correction: Christine, not Christina. I apologize for the typo. —AvisPlease log in to respond to this comment.No offence taken. Call me Christine, Christina, Chris, Tina, Stina, it doesn't matter to me. My REAL name is Akiteng but I had to take on a "Christian" name in order to prove that I had given up my "heathen ways" ..:-)), this was my ticket to a nice Catholic Missionary School. I have no regrets (I can read and write..:-)), I am just not attached to the name as I am to my given name.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Good article. I agree that many women use the excuse that men are intimidated by their success or independence. many men want independent, successful women. my problem is opening up due to fear of rejection. apparently, men give me the signals (long glances, smiles, charm) but they never seal the deal (or try to get to know me further). I have been abstinent for 5 year (by choice) and I am attractive. I feel like nowadays, men don't want women like me anymore. men want women to approach them and salivate over them. they don't want to meet us half way anymore.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Good article. I agree that many women use the excuse that men are intimidated by their success or independence. many men want independent, successful women. my problem is opening up due to fear of rejection. apparently, men give me the signals (long glances, smiles, charm) but they never seal the deal (or try to get to know me further). I have been abstinent for 5 year (by choice) and I am attractive. I feel like nowadays, men don't want women like me anymore. men want women to approach them and salivate over them. they don't want to meet us half way anymore. young men over 25 seem to only want sex. if I didn't have strong faith in God, I would give up hope in finding love.Everytime I try to be flirtatious or expressed interest when I believe a man is interested, I get rejected and it's so PAINFUL that it's really hard to put myself out there again. anyway, just wanted to vent a little.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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