The Truth Dating and Seduction Experts Don't Want You to Know!
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2007
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
If you have been in the dating arena for a while now, you’ve probably asked yourself the same questions many other singles ask:
"Why is this dating and seduction thing not working for me?"
"Why does this always happen to me?"
Why do some people- even the ones who are no where near as good looking, intelligent or successful as me -- attract really great lovers and go on to have incredibly passionate relationships while all I get is mild interest?
And at some point you’ve probably gotten so discouraged and wanted to give up.
Despite all of the information found in many books, on many websites, and taught in many seminars that seem to say that you can ATTRACT OR SEDUCE JUST ABOUT ANY MAN/WOMAN YOU WANT, this is absolutely NOT true!
Dating and Seduction “Experts" tend to portray fantasies of what they think singles want to hear, think and feel about themselves, and some “experts" do take advantage of this - stretch the truth a little bit just enough to give themselves that “expert" edge - and make money!
If you take nothing else away from this little article, I hope you take this: IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO ATTRACT OR SEDUCE ANY MAN/WOMAN YOU WANT. The magic of attracting and seducing ANY WOMAN/MAN YOU WANT formula offered by many “experts" and so many dating sites simply doesn’t exist! This isn’t even REMOTELY POSSIBLE and in a moment I will explain why.
Have you ever noticed how people have really specific preferences for what kind of traits and qualities (even superficial ones) they find attractive in other people? Let me make it more personal: have you noticed that certain people peak your interest instantly, while others just pass by and you don’t even notice them? There is A VERY GOOD REASON for all this and that reason has to do with our sexual imprinting.
Sexual imprinting is a concept that has been known to indigenous peoples for thousands of years but was first written about by a famous psychologist John Money. It explains why people like what they enjoy sexually and erotically and how that is guided by a template buried somewhere in our subconscious.
A sexual Imprint is like a blueprint that contains a unique set of features that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. Without even realizing it, we automatically scan each person and the moment we see, hear, smell, touch, (or taste) someone who matches the features we are imprinted with, the attraction is almost immediate. Sometimes it’s so strong and other times it is mild. The closer that person comes to matching our imprint, the more intense the feeling. A complete match is not necessary for attraction. Just one or two key variables are enough to give us the feeling of being attracted.
The reasons for our natural tendencies are not always easy to understand (and nobody knows quite how) but they are there and are rather uniquely personalized. One person may be attracted to people with a particular physical characteristic (legs, lips, bust size, booty shape, neck, height, skin tone, muscle tension, posture, smell, way of walking etc) with particular personality traits (talkative, quiet, aggressive, laid back, shy etc), and so forth. One may also find certain characteristics so threatening or intimidating or objectionable that it strongly decreases an erotic attraction being manifested.
Because the whole attraction process is buried deeply inside in our subconscious, it means that you might be intensely attracted to a particular person but because you do not even closely match that person’s imprinting, you will not be found attractive by that particular individual. The same flirting, seduction and attraction strategies that might have worked on someone whose sexual imprinting you match will NEVER work on someone who is not attracted to your particular physical characteristic or personality traits however badly you want that person. You may try to dishonestly manipulate a few things to get him or her initially interested but soon or later they discover you are just not their “type" and that is when your nightmare begins!
Because the whole attraction process is buried deeply inside in our subconscious, it also means that you can meet someone whose sexual imprint matches yours and you match theirs but because you are not aware of your own sexual tendencies and behaviours you start employing techniques, tricks and advice that you read from books, websites and get from seminars - advice that is not representative of WHO YOU REALLY ARE and that may actually kill the initial attraction because you are trying to change what first attracted the person to you.
You fail to focus your unique talents and unused resources to make him or her feel that your sexual imprints match (he or she is truly heard, understood and “known") and as a result the attraction is there but not explored - or fanned into a flame. Eventually it just dies off and you are left wondering “why can’t I stop loving him/her?" Even if you wanted to be honest about yourself (who you honestly believe yourself to be), you couldn’t be because you don’t know yourself that well.
But even worse you may not be able to BE and DO only what is authentically you because you’ve got your own little faultily programmed filters (from childhood and other painful experiences) through which you interact with the world around you. It’s true that on a conscious level you are “just being yourself" but on a subconscious level (which is where attraction really happens) the decisions you make and the way you respond to your external world are tied to particular experiences in your past and the many ways in which your parents, caregivers or other significant people projected into you aspects of themselves (secret thoughts, perceptions, sexual inhibitions, the fear of rejection, neediness etc) and other unresolved issues around their own self-image, body image and relationships - issues they did not have the courage or integrity to own.
Having a moment-to-moment awareness of your own sexual behaviours and tendencies (why you like what you like, act the way you act, face the problems and challenges you face and why things happen as they do) can change your life completely. You will NOT be able to attract or seduce just about ANY man/woman you meet or are even attracted to but you will be able to ZERO on those men/women who *MATCH* you (the best of you) and seduce them the way their particular sexual imprinting appreciates and is seduced. And when stuff crops up you are able to quickly see what's happening (because you understand both yours and his/her sexual imprints) change course and get positive results every time!
Now that you know the truth Dating and Seduction Experts don’t want you to know, you can continue trying to attract just about ANY man/woman (which is another way of saying “nobody") or you can focus (on your own or working with a professional) on getting to know who you are sexually - your own unique way of being sexual - and learn how you can use your very own unique talents and unused resources to make men and women you are attracted to FEEL that your sexual imprints match. The people we feel “match" us are the people we are attracted to. It’s that simple!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
"Why is this dating and seduction thing not working for me?"
"Why does this always happen to me?"
Why do some people- even the ones who are no where near as good looking, intelligent or successful as me -- attract really great lovers and go on to have incredibly passionate relationships while all I get is mild interest?
Despite all of the information found in many books, on many websites, and taught in many seminars that seem to say that you can ATTRACT OR SEDUCE JUST ABOUT ANY MAN/WOMAN YOU WANT, this is absolutely NOT true!
Dating and Seduction “Experts" tend to portray fantasies of what they think singles want to hear, think and feel about themselves, and some “experts" do take advantage of this - stretch the truth a little bit just enough to give themselves that “expert" edge - and make money!
If you take nothing else away from this little article, I hope you take this: IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO ATTRACT OR SEDUCE ANY MAN/WOMAN YOU WANT. The magic of attracting and seducing ANY WOMAN/MAN YOU WANT formula offered by many “experts" and so many dating sites simply doesn’t exist! This isn’t even REMOTELY POSSIBLE and in a moment I will explain why.
Have you ever noticed how people have really specific preferences for what kind of traits and qualities (even superficial ones) they find attractive in other people? Let me make it more personal: have you noticed that certain people peak your interest instantly, while others just pass by and you don’t even notice them? There is A VERY GOOD REASON for all this and that reason has to do with our sexual imprinting.
Sexual imprinting is a concept that has been known to indigenous peoples for thousands of years but was first written about by a famous psychologist John Money. It explains why people like what they enjoy sexually and erotically and how that is guided by a template buried somewhere in our subconscious.
A sexual Imprint is like a blueprint that contains a unique set of features that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. Without even realizing it, we automatically scan each person and the moment we see, hear, smell, touch, (or taste) someone who matches the features we are imprinted with, the attraction is almost immediate. Sometimes it’s so strong and other times it is mild. The closer that person comes to matching our imprint, the more intense the feeling. A complete match is not necessary for attraction. Just one or two key variables are enough to give us the feeling of being attracted.
The reasons for our natural tendencies are not always easy to understand (and nobody knows quite how) but they are there and are rather uniquely personalized. One person may be attracted to people with a particular physical characteristic (legs, lips, bust size, booty shape, neck, height, skin tone, muscle tension, posture, smell, way of walking etc) with particular personality traits (talkative, quiet, aggressive, laid back, shy etc), and so forth. One may also find certain characteristics so threatening or intimidating or objectionable that it strongly decreases an erotic attraction being manifested.
Because the whole attraction process is buried deeply inside in our subconscious, it means that you might be intensely attracted to a particular person but because you do not even closely match that person’s imprinting, you will not be found attractive by that particular individual. The same flirting, seduction and attraction strategies that might have worked on someone whose sexual imprinting you match will NEVER work on someone who is not attracted to your particular physical characteristic or personality traits however badly you want that person. You may try to dishonestly manipulate a few things to get him or her initially interested but soon or later they discover you are just not their “type" and that is when your nightmare begins!
Because the whole attraction process is buried deeply inside in our subconscious, it also means that you can meet someone whose sexual imprint matches yours and you match theirs but because you are not aware of your own sexual tendencies and behaviours you start employing techniques, tricks and advice that you read from books, websites and get from seminars - advice that is not representative of WHO YOU REALLY ARE and that may actually kill the initial attraction because you are trying to change what first attracted the person to you.
You fail to focus your unique talents and unused resources to make him or her feel that your sexual imprints match (he or she is truly heard, understood and “known") and as a result the attraction is there but not explored - or fanned into a flame. Eventually it just dies off and you are left wondering “why can’t I stop loving him/her?" Even if you wanted to be honest about yourself (who you honestly believe yourself to be), you couldn’t be because you don’t know yourself that well.
But even worse you may not be able to BE and DO only what is authentically you because you’ve got your own little faultily programmed filters (from childhood and other painful experiences) through which you interact with the world around you. It’s true that on a conscious level you are “just being yourself" but on a subconscious level (which is where attraction really happens) the decisions you make and the way you respond to your external world are tied to particular experiences in your past and the many ways in which your parents, caregivers or other significant people projected into you aspects of themselves (secret thoughts, perceptions, sexual inhibitions, the fear of rejection, neediness etc) and other unresolved issues around their own self-image, body image and relationships - issues they did not have the courage or integrity to own.
Having a moment-to-moment awareness of your own sexual behaviours and tendencies (why you like what you like, act the way you act, face the problems and challenges you face and why things happen as they do) can change your life completely. You will NOT be able to attract or seduce just about ANY man/woman you meet or are even attracted to but you will be able to ZERO on those men/women who *MATCH* you (the best of you) and seduce them the way their particular sexual imprinting appreciates and is seduced. And when stuff crops up you are able to quickly see what's happening (because you understand both yours and his/her sexual imprints) change course and get positive results every time!
Now that you know the truth Dating and Seduction Experts don’t want you to know, you can continue trying to attract just about ANY man/woman (which is another way of saying “nobody") or you can focus (on your own or working with a professional) on getting to know who you are sexually - your own unique way of being sexual - and learn how you can use your very own unique talents and unused resources to make men and women you are attracted to FEEL that your sexual imprints match. The people we feel “match" us are the people we are attracted to. It’s that simple!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Yikes! Christine, I did not find the last two paragraphs useless or vague, but neither am I a frustrated, rejected, hard-up, munch.crum member. Perhaps I missed something but was this sexual imprinting about Internet dating? I think you should have a new client. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your article. I always do.Please log in to respond to this comment."Thanks Avis, for your kind comments. Always appreciated. No, you did not miss anything. I decided to remove the comment because it was so much longer than the article and a distraction since the person simply wanted to tell his story about his dating experiences which have little to do with this article. New client, I am not counting on it. This guy has had so many bad experiences (I honestly feel sorry for him) that he's concluded that ALL women want the Cinderella storyline! And the way he went after the article, he probably "hates" me too since I am a woman..:-)). This is EXACTLY why I do the work I do and why I wrote the article. Too many misconceptions - both sexes including the "experts". Part of the problem in our culture is that so many men and women are so spoiled (and immature) - we WANT what we want and when we want it - and we want it even when we are incapable of getting, receiving and appreciating it as mature adults. And when we don't get it we resort to tantrums, manipulation, blame and force/aggressiveness. The (up)stress of all that immature behaviour eventually gives and the person ends up depressed. Many of us never stop to think and reflect on the fact that the only common denominator in all of our experiences is US. That is probably why the reader found the last two paragraphs vague and useless because it calls on him to do something ABOUT HIMSELF as opposed to me trying to FIX women so that they don't reject him. That is a tall order just like thinking you can attract and seduce ANY woman you want! As long as we ignore this simple fact, we will continue running around like headless chicken, bounced from man/woman to man/woman. The key to our own happiness (with the opposite sex) is hidden somewhere in our sexual imprinting - and for most of us, this is the area of our lives that is screwed up the MOST!Please log in to respond to this comment.
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