African Resistance To Condoms
Posted: Wednesday, February 25, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
"No one eats candy still wrapped in plastic" is what some young Africans reluctant to use condoms say. Others feel that condoms say "I do not trust you" or even "I do not trust myself". Suggesting the use of a condom in an already established relationship is just as another way of either confessing that one has been cheating or accusing a partner of cheating.
Then there are young African men and women who believe that "going in live" (sex without a condom) is a badge of bravery. Where being "white" was for many decades of colonial oppression promoted and continues to be promoted as a "good" thing; a mark of higher intelligence, moral superiority, status and privilege, and being "black" and African as "bad"; a sign of diminished intellectual capacity, hereditaty immoral-ness, a position of disadvantage and a curse, these young people are rebelling [a little too late, I have to add] by choosing the 'bad' option as a matter of principle. If good white people wear condoms during sex then bad black people will "go in live" as a badge of bravery and honour to their African identity. Not wearing a condom during sex in their twisted thinking means that they are not afraid of what white people are afraid of. They're therefore braver and more courageous. They are B-a-a-a-d.
It's good to be proud of our "African sexual prowess" [reality or myth... believe whatever makes you sleep at night], but there is a point at which you must ask yourself, "Is it really worthy it?"
"Creative suffering" sounds brave and courageous but have we Africans ever stopped to think what'll happen if all the brave and honourable Africans died for no apparent good reason other than proving to "white" people that we are tougher and "badder"? Our people have a saying: "even a crocodile's back can be cracked by a whip made out of its own skin?"
We're whipping our own backs to death when even some of our governments still refuse to admit HIV/AIDs is a threat and continue to foot-drag on treatment programmes. Some of us to this day and time still believe that AIDS is a Western plot maliciously cooked up in science labs to try to keep Africans from being sexually active, stop reproduction and eventually come and take over our rich resources and lands. Though fewer than before, some Africans still call AIDS "America's Intention to Discourage Sex". All these "conspiracy" theories are causing so much paranoia -- and resistance to the use of condoms.
I know this is too much "African bashing" but don't think that just because I now live in Canada, I believe in imitating everything from the West. OOOH-NO! We've all seen the damaging effects of "monkey dey see, monkey dey do" indiscriminate imitation of imported cultures.
It's true condoms can in some ways change the beautiful act of love making turning it into a selfish "free-for-all" search for groin - pleasure. I am all for not depersonalizing our sexuality or turning our genitals into tools, our sexual partners into mechanics or computer operators and sex into a bargain chip. Nor should sex be demonized as sinful urges that must be denied, repressed and feared. I have seen the cost of this way of being with my own two eyes; and I am not buying nor selling it.
So yes, I fully understand that Africans want to retain some sense of sacredness around sex. And I agree that sex is best "organic" (happens naturally and effortlessly and with all it's beauty, sense of otherness, surprise, reverence, magic and mystery of life and the infinite world). I also understand that with our "poverty", it's not realistic to tell someone in the heat of the moment, "you must use a condom" and expect him to run to the nearest drug store and come back panting with a packet of condoms in hand. I can see that working perfectly well in the West especially with good branding and marketing tactics. They have the money to spend on condoms!
But even when given free condoms in a double handful, some Africans -- young and old -- just toss them off on the roadside still unused because they feel that condoms can create a false sense of "safety". You can't trust the people who make and give us these condoms, they say.
True, there can be manufacturing and inspection errors or if used incorrectly one will still get infected, but some safety is better than no safety at all. This is why in addition to using condoms (as a fall back option), we must also pay attention to our own consciences and cultural morals. Its not enough to make sex and sex education all about biology (birds and bees), reproductive rights and equality, and the right to make one's own decisions.
Sexuality and sexuality education, in addition to all the above should include the essential intelligence of being a healthy sexual being. And that means addressing the deeper issues that all young men and women have to deal with on a daily basis; issues closely tied to communicating and negotiating boundaries of sexual or erotic identity and expression, reducing sexual anxiety, increasing sexual confidence, self esteem, desire, love, romance, intimacy and the sexual act itself. All the vital data that shapes our sexual attitudes, influences sexual behaviour and drives our sex lives. This is the way of our people; these are some of the ways some of us have abandoned and now may be paying a high price for - with our own lives.
Besides being infected with HIV/AIDS, there are emotional, social and spiritual consequences to engaging in sexual activities in improper ways. Act responsibly -- it's in our blood.
If you found this article interesting, you might also want to check my other Searchwarp article: The Way HIV/AIDS In Africa Is Being Handled
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is a Cross Cultural Relations Consultant with experience in cross-cultural negotiations, problem-solving, team-building, project design, project management, project evaluation and monitoring. She has held Program Coordination and Program Management positions with diplomatic missions and international aid agencies including the British High Commission, Canadian International Development Agency and UNICEF Canada. She has also worked in Public Relations with European Union funded programme and done consulting work with IMF/World Bank and World Health Organization affiliated initiatives, as well as many Non-Government Organizations in and outside Africa. Christine is also an internationally renowned Dating and Relationships Coach, Motivational Speaker, AIDS Activist and Youth HIV/AIDS Educator. She currently lives in Toronto, Canada.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Christine,Great article! I cannot express my gratitude for this write enough. Thanks for sharing it with us.Please log in to respond to this comment.Ronyae, it means a lot to me coming from you.Hopefully something in the article will cause some young man or woman to stop and think hard about the consequences of irresponsible sexual behaviour.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Wow Christine, this is wonderful, and so very true. I have learned quite a bit in this article that I didn't know before, I didn't know about the need to be braver and badder than that of the white people, I didn't know that was even an issue. But you have been in the midst of the woods, and would know of this more than I. I just wish that the HIV/AIDS weren't so bad in Africa. I'm not sure what is the definitive answer is, but I do know that this is sound advice. I loved the expression "Our people have a saying: "even a crocodile's back can be cracked by a whip made out of its own skin?" That is so true. I am in hopes that Africas problems with HIV/AIDS can get resolved within' this generation, wouldn't that be wonderful. I would love to put the white/black thing eventually behind us in my lifetime...and with Obama, I am in hopes that this well serve as a worldwide statement that America I ready to change. As always, I love your articles, and thanks for sharing this, to both peoples, white and black. Once again, a great article chuck full of wisdom.....Your fan, and friend in pen......Gary.Please log in to respond to this comment.Gary, you indeed are a life long student of life. I smile every time I see your comment and very much appreciate your desire to learn and understand issues affecting people from far away lands; people and issues that may have no bearing on your day to day existence. To me this is true “compassion”. And you my friend, have it tons!Sadly, things like braver and badder option are the product of the psychopathology of colonization. Many black Africans still suffer from a colonial mentality, and it’ll take a few more decades before we as a people completely detoxify our collective psyche.I am with you on HIV/AIDS being stopped in this generation, and I am very hopeful that it’ll be. A combination of Western science and African-centered initiatives and solutions may be our best hope.On how America is viewed worldwide, having Obama as POTUS does send a strong message of “good intentions” but I don’t think Obama as an individual will change much. The real change will come from people like you and me reaching out across races. I believe that the only way to put the black/white divide behind us is through open and honest dialogue. Just saying “let’s put this race thing behind us” is like a dog howling at a full moon. Sounds good but doesn’t change anything!!!!!Please log in to respond to this comment.Christine, I love your expressions, a wolf howling at the moon, but it doesn't change anything....great!! And I know it is definately easier said than done..as far and the black and white cultural thing. I guess I am just wish really hard. I do know what you mean though. I had a guy tell me the other day, (he was a white guy by the way, which shouldn't matter either way) except for what he said to me. I was talking about how I think America is ready for a change. Not just about Obama, but as a whole people. Then he made a stupid remark, that totally made me just "Walk Away grumbling) He said "I have allot of black friends". That to me tells me that he is singleing out his "black friends", and if they are truly friends, he needn't define that they are black, they should just be friends. So, still some more work to do, you are certainly right about that....I loved the article. Good write, good read. Your friend in pen.....GaryPlease log in to respond to this comment.I hear you Gary! This “race thing” cuts both ways. There is also "I have a lot of white friends" ; something some black people use to somehow “prove” that they are a breed up the ladder. Then there are the self-haters -- black people who hate their own race/black skin and white people who hate their own race/white skin. These people think it makes them “more inclusive” when in reality it makes them more pity-full! Love/charity begins at home, they say!Please log in to respond to this comment.
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