Technically, Christine Akiteng is NOT a Black African Woman!
Posted: Saturday, March 21, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
I may be starting a rumour here that'll come to haunt me, but "at some point, somebody needs to step up and do things differently", at least that's what my mama taught me.
First of all, I am for real. I live in Toronto, Canada. I have dark-skin. I come from Uganda/ East Africa and I have all the biological parts of the female species. In that sense, it's fitting to call me a black African woman; BUT my dark-skin, my motherland and my biological parts are not what define me. These things greatly influence my everyday experience - how others perceive me, how I react to internal and external stimuli, etc. but that's not who I am!
Gender, colour of skin, beliefs, culture, circumstances of our upbringing or even current human condition etc., is NOT who we are. This is true for even people who say things like "I am Bi-polar' or "I am an addict". NO! NO! NO! Bi-polar and addiction are "conditions" that afflict you. You suffer from bi-polar and you suffer from addiction to drugs/alcohol/nicotine/sex etc., but that's NOT who you are!
Gender, colour of skin, beliefs, culture, circumstances of our upbringing or even current human conditions etc., may and can (but not always) play a huge role in how we experience life differently from someone else who is not of the same gender, of the same skin colour, belief system, culture, upbringing and/or is not afflicted by the same mental or physical illness. This "difference in how we experience life" however, is NOT who we are.
That's why whatever anyone says, I refuse to accept the notion that "black people are fundamentally different from white people" or that "women are fundamentally different from men". I even refuse the notion that men and women "complete" each other. A woman is created to be complete without a man, and a man is created to be complete without a woman. No spiritually mature and emotionally healthy person should be looking for someone else to complete them. That's pure soul laziness!
If God wanted men and women to think differently in order to "complete" each other, God would have given each of us half a brain: women the right brain and men the left. That's just sound logic. Half + Half = One.
God would not also have told man kind, "Go and multiply" [you have everything you need to do so] but instead told man kind, "[you half-brained fool!] Go and find the other half-brained idiot!"
Think about it for a moment, this is the mentality in today's dating scene - and unfortunately, this is what many of us call a "relationship" or even a marriage. Two half brains, each believes their half-brain is better than the other half-brain, living together. Total chaos!!
The alternative scenario is one half brain says to the other half brain "Your half brain is better than my half brain, I'll submit to and serve your half brain!"
God gave men and women a full brain and the ability to use both sides of the brain. God also gave both black and white people the left and right brain and the ability to use both sides of the brain.
Blacks in addition to freely expressing their emotions, and women in addition to being emotionally inspired are also motivated by intellectual inspiration, rational thought, knowledge and informed judgments (left-brain use), as are whites and men. How and when we use the right or left side of our brain is more a function of how we were socialized than one of fundamental human difference.
And thank God for my mama, who didn't teach me to think and act like "a woman" but like "a worthy human being", I don't relate to people in terms of "we're different because you are.... and I am..." I don't meet a man and immediately think "Oh! He is a man, so he must think differently from me" or talk to a white woman thinking "Oh! She is white, she is different from me". I don't sit next to a Muslim and think, "I can't talk to him. He is a Muslim. We have nothing in common!"
I have lived long enough to know the wisdom of not thinking of others as "different" based on man-made justifications for fear of the "unknown other" and the furthering of the manipulation, power/control and ego-driven agendas.
Think of it like this: Put two rats in a large cage with adequate food and water. The rats will co-exist peacefully. Then, send an electric shock through the metal floor of the cage. The rats will attack each other. They know nothing about the forces that are causing their pain; all they know is that they are scared or are suffering -- and there is another rat in the cage.
We all are exposed to this destructive undercurrent and we all can be victims of or perpetrators of the "electric shock". Anytime we insist on emphasizing our differences or downplaying our common characteristics or qualities, we're guilty of sending an electric shock (fear of the "unknown other" and the furthering of the manipulation, power/control and ego-driven agenda) through the metal floor of the gender, racial, religious/ideology etc., cage.
Call me naive (been called that so many times), but I believe that there is so much more that unites us as men and women, blacks and whites, Christians and Muslims than what divides us. Once we start thinking more in terms of "we're so much alike because we both...." we will see not just more peaceful co-existence between genders, races, religions etc. but ease and free flow in understanding, communication and team effort. To get to that place of peaceful co-existence we must evolve towards a new psychology of gender, race, religion, etc.
Part of that new psychology is understanding that we may sometimes experience life differently from someone else, but "different" should not be what determines our experience - or defines who we are for that matter. And since nothing exists and prospers in brilliant isolation, we'll do ourselves much more good learning from each others' "different experiences" -- whites from blacks, blacks from whites; men from women, women from men; Christians from Muslims and Muslims from Christians. etc. than insisting on "we're different because you are... and I am..."
We're NOT opposites of each other as some would like us to believe. We're human mirrors for each other. For example, because I don't see myself as a black African woman who is [supposedly] the opposite of a white European man, I do not necessarily find white European men confusing, hard to figure out or scary. I find them interesting because they provide an infinite source of knowledge for learning about who I really am. My interest is not in trying to dismiss, play down or explain to them their experience as "white European men" but to understand and appreciate them as human beings experiencing the life of a white European man. The more I interact with them, the more I find that there is a lot of me (the human being) in them (human beings). That's fascinating and down-right intriguing.
Did I also mention that this is simply the experience of being human -- using both the right and left brain?!?!
Take a stand today. Turn off the electric shock. Stop the destructive undercurrent.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)HI Christine, great job and lots of food for thought. But I would just disagree with one thing. God did create us to need eachother, compliment, and complete eachother. It's in his word. He told Adam it was not good for him to be alone and the only way we could multiply is by coming together. And He did say "The two shall become one" Okay, that's all my preaching for today :-)I for one fully believe I would not be the person I am today, without my husband who brings out the best in me. I am strong, independent and confident because I know he is right beside me :-)Blessings to you! Again, Excellent job! TeresaPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thank you for your response, and I respect your opinion Teresa.I am not a bible scholar and you may be right in your understanding of the words “"The two shall become one" . I find that sometimes the way we interpret the Bible, is also influenced by how and where we were raised. That’s why I don’t argue much on the Bible. You may be right, and I may be right too.Here is how I understand those words. The two shall become ONE (shall become Love/God). I don’t see “one” here as a physical “one-ness” since God/Love is not a known personality limited to a physical reality. Rather I see the “one” here as metaphysical “one-ness". An experience of God/love that’s different from the other experiences of love/God. The Greek say there are three of them Agape, Phileo and Erotica but I personally think that there might be more…love for child, love for animals/pet etc.. That’s just me thinking…:-)As for need each other to multiply, one man can "mulitply" with many women and visa versa. It's happening everywhere.Would you still feel strong, independent and confident without your husband? Or do you “need” your husband to feel strong, independent and confident? I don’t NEED my man (or anyone for that matter) to feel strong, independent and confident. I am already strong, independent and confident on my own. I cherish my man as a mirror of God’s love for me -- which is also a mirror of me since I am made of love. My man is the constant reflection that reminds me of this wonderful love/experience of God, NOT my source of strength, independence and confidence. I think that expecting him to be that would be asking too much of him. He is only mortal afterall. But that’s just how I think and how I experience life…:-).Thank you for sharing your thought and disagrrement. This is the beauty of the human experience -- we sometimes have different experiences that lead us to think differently. I appreciate your experience...:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.Hi Christine,I am not one to "argue" the bible either, but since I do teach it, sometimes, I can't help myself :-) And I only mention it because in the past you have called yourself a believer. So this is when I feel the comfort to bring it up. The two shall became one is talking about man and woman because the entire context of the passage is about a man leaving his home and attaching himself with his wife.My main source of confidence, spriitually speaking is Jesus. However, in the phsyical, I would not feel as confident without my husband. He does complete me, and I him. No pressure on him, because I do not expect perfection from him. But I know that he was made just for me, and if I were to lose him, half on me would be lost. I know God would strengthen me to move forward and vise versa, but I would never be the same me. I don't think this makes me a weak woman, I think it makes me a better woman.In my experience and understanding of God's design and roles he gave men and women, it takes a strong woman to see that her husband was given to protect the tenderness in her heart. I guess I am a firm believer in God's word. :-)The Bible talks about the three types of love you mentioned the greeks have, brotherly, friendship, and erotic. For me, I would say my love for my animals closest falls under friendship :-)And I love that we can share different perspectives as well. :-)Your friend,TeresaPlease log in to respond to this comment.Teresa, Teresa, my friend and sister, I hear you… When you said “enough preaching” I understood you right away and was thankful that you did not “preach on my pulpit”…:-). I was and I am happy that you did say what you said. I think you spoke for many.Let me quickly clarify this lest there be any misunderstanding for other readers. I did not say you’re a “weak woman” or think that you are, on the contrary. I asked two questions then shared my own answers/understanding and experience in relation to the two questions. A lot of “truth” is hidden from our human understanding so it’s not my place to say one is wrong and the other is right. Mine is to see “God/Love” in all. It’s just amazing how much we think we know and then find out there is more to know…That's just so God to be infinite!I am a firm believe in God’s word too, but may be understand it differently from you because of my own life experience. We could go on and on what the Bible says about this or that and I have a strong feeling we’d always come to different interpretations. I guess the question for many of us especially when interpreting this part about man and woman is… are we physical beings transformed to having a spiritual experience (when we become Christians or are “born-again”); or are we spirits having a human experience (schooling on earth) whether we’re aware of it or not? I believe in the later, and see all things “spiritual” from this angle -- including what it means to be "man" or "woman".Wouldn't God have done us all a GREAT favour if he just made one man to "fit" into one woman.... like key and padlock, with no spare keys and no master key (sorry for the sexual content here, no other way to explain it)???Please log in to respond to this comment.Hello again :-) O , I did not mean to imply you would think me or others like me weak, that came from what I hear often from others. Thank you for clearing that up for your readers. I would not want them to be led astray by my thoughts :-)"Preach on your pulpit" hee, hee, love it :-)You are right, we could go back and forth and this is not the time nor the place and our discussions are for the purpose of the subject at hand and I think we have about covered it :-)Looking forward to reading more from you.Hugs,TeresaPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Christine, Great article, and I hear what you are saying, and I do agree with most of it, but I cannot seem to accept the no difference part. I understand what you are saying about the human part, I get that, but you and I are different. We do not share the same genes, you are female, I am male, we ARE different. Even our ways of thinking are different. As human traits do not necessarily differ, we are different. You says po ta toe, I say pa ta toe, you say toe mate toe, I say toe ma toe, that kind of thing. I think that you are, a black African Woman, you were born there, right? You are a beautiful black woman, right? I am white, although not as beautiful, but still, I AM different. Even in the way we think, it is different. Although I wish I was as smart as you. But never the less, I do understand what you are saying, but I truely believe we are different. I tend to think that no matter who, or what we are, we are all equal and at our best in a crisis, we pull together as humans, to meet a common goal, we all have the same emotions and feelings, love, hate, sorrow, happiness, that is all the same. So I do agree with most of what you are saying, but we are different as to whom we are....that is my opinion.....I love the article, Great job, and I love the read....your pal, and friend in pen.......and fan.....GaryPlease log in to respond to this comment.LOL! Gary, I told you I’d give it to you!!! I can’t help myself…So bring it on…LOL.I did say in my article that gender (may be I should have said "biology"), colour of skin ( and the genes that come with it), beliefs, culture, circumstances of our upbringing or even current human conditions etc., may and can (but not always) play a huge role in how we experience life differently from someone else. So here we’re saying basically the same thing in different words.You also seem to agree that when it comes emotions and feelings (right brain) we’re no different. A white man like you uses the right brain just like a black woman like me. Good for you!!! :-). Where you seem to disagree, (at least the way I see it) is that we “think” (use the left brain) differently. I hear you to be saying that there are some things that you think that I don’t (hopefully you're not saying I can't) think that you think/can think because we were “created” that way. I'd be helpful for you to be specific and tell me what you can “think” that I don't (or can't) think because I am a black African woman? I for one can’t think of anything that I think that you’re incapable of “thinking” of because you’re a white male. I think that given my exact “human experience” you have the capacity to think like a black African woman.BTW: I can say po ta toe, and I can also say pa ta toe. Just because I can say one doesn’t mean I can’t say the other. I can also think, walk, text message, smile (even cry) and chew gum, all at the same time...:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.Christine, hahahhahahhahaahaaha, LOL!! Okay...there is no way, that you can think what I am thinking because I am not thinking the way you think. I think that by thinking this way, we do not think alike! I am not saying that you are incapable of thinking what I think, all I am saying is that we think differently. Ya think? Wait a minute...I have to re-read what I just wrote, because I'm thinkin' I just confused myself? hum......okay, that is what I meant to say, and how on earth do you think I can think like a black African woman thinks? Where would I start, I have no experience being one, so therefore, I do not know what a African Woman thinks of, or about? Does this make any sense? (insert thinking pause here).......Okay, I think that just about sums it up...it is obvious, that although I have tons of respect for you, and the WAY you think, there is no way that I think, or can even pretend to think like you....Is that the left brain in question here?Please log in to respond to this comment.LOL! Gary I have to agree, I also think you should re-read what you just wrote, because I am also thinking you just confused yourself!You wrote: “what I meant to say, and how on earth do you think I can think like a black African woman thinks? Where would I start, I have no experience being one, so therefore, I do not know what a African Woman thinks of, or about?”My point exactly! The key word here is “experience”. I would not expect you to think like a black African woman, know what she thinks of/about because you have no experience of being a black African woman, not because you’re incapable of thinking like one.Given the exact same “human experience” of a particular black African woman (BTW, not all black African women think alike, think of or about the same things), I believe that you have the God-given capacity (created) to think like a black African woman. That’s of course if you want to… some people might find that... ummmmm… :-). And that feels like an electric shock but I am one rat in the cage that tries very hard to understand and not just attack...sometimes...LOLPlease log in to respond to this comment.Christine.....two words......Good point!!!! Your pal, Gary. (actually that was 5 words)Please log in to respond to this comment.ONLY FIVE?? Why do I have a feeling someone is going to hit me... from another angle? No way, am I lowering my guard... lol!!Please log in to respond to this comment.
I only want to say Christine without the boxing gloves that I enjoyed your article. Getting involved with this debate is a little over my head. Not getting off the subject "LIAR" Kacy you are - I could never understand although being born white my dad always called me the "black" sheep of the family. So yes fundamentally there is no difference as you point out because the proof is in black white (excuse the pun) before you and that being me.Keep wellKacyPlease log in to respond to this comment.Kacy, I always thought you were “black” are you telling me you’re not?... lying about that too? :-). Kidding aside, you make a great point when you say “the proof is in black white”. Since coming abroad, I met what they call “talking/acting white” or “Oreo cookie” all of which are derogatory terms for black people considered “white sheep of the family”. Many times I've tried and tried to see the “white” in the person, and all I see is just human behaviour. But like you said, the proof is in black white… seen from whose eyes??I’ll keep well. Stay out of trouble “black” sheep. Oooops, did I say that???Please log in to respond to this comment.When I wrote that comment it took me longer than it would if I had wrote a book. The care I took in how I put my penny worth in payed off. I was feared you would come back at me with fisty cuffs if I said said something wrong - leaving me "black" and blue.Signing offMAMA KacyPlease log in to respond to this comment.LOL! Dont be afraid, my dear. I am very soft hearted like a kitten... MEOWW! Really...I am...LOLPlease log in to respond to this comment.Am I missing something, don`t kittens grow up to be cats, and cats into Lions GhrrrrStay safeKacyPlease log in to respond to this comment.LOL! You too, Kacy. Be well!!Please log in to respond to this comment.
That was amazing. i totaly understand what you mean. People think that because I am Scottish I HAVE to like haggis and black pudding (I hate it: sheep guts and sheep blood? No thanks) and that, because I come from a deprived area, I MUST be illiterate. It gets annoying. Also, because I am girl, I musn't be good at basketball or football... I understandPlease log in to respond to this comment.Eleanor, did I not say Scottish people are some of my favourite people in the whole wide world?? They say what they mean and mean what they say… at least all those I’ve met…I am glad that you understand what I am saying, and the examples you give are exactly what I am talking about. It’s like you’re put in a box of class, gender, race, religion etc. and expected to act like you’re in the box. People raise eyebrows when you’re not acting “proper” and others try very hard to fit you back into the box… you’re threatening, scary, weird.... The best “revenge’ is to prove them wrong!!!!Haggis and black pudding … we have something similar where I come from but from cows insides and blood. It may be reason for my very strong bones and healthy teeth…Please log in to respond to this comment.
Christine I never commented a lot before but I am enjoying your work. Now biblically without quoting, because I'll leave that to those who wish to study the bible, we are unique beings by Gods Word. By science we are definitely unique in all the universe. So if we eliminate science and the bible for matters of discussion what do I see? Well a beautiful person, another female human being. Now if we could all get past the light skinned, dark skinned, black, red, hispanic, or whatever that we humans like to use to separte ourselves we could understand that getting to know another "person" human on intimate terms matters not and that is not always sex, when I say intimate. Now I don't know what the heck I said but technically you just look to my eyes as one beautiful young lady and afte reading you an intelligent one at that. Now what more could anyone want in a person? So "technically"I suspect you have no problems meeting others unless you choose not to. Best wishes.Please log in to respond to this comment.Enjoying my work? Thank you!I am glad you brought up using “light skinned, dark skinned, black, red, hispanic, or whatever” to separate ourselves because we’re basically afraid of getting to know another person (intimately, not sex of course). What it all comes down to is “fear of emotional and spiritual intimacy”. The emphasis on “difference” kind of holds up the fences…. “you stay in your backyard, I’ll stay in mind” kind of thing. Breaking down those fences exposes who we really are -- just vulnerable HUMAN BEINGS! Interesting point, lots to think about.Yes, Robert, I have to humbly agree that "technically" I have no problems putting myself out there even at my age (not looking for "love" though)… sometimes I am really liked, and other times… not so much…LOL!!! I like it all. Part of the human experience!Please log in to respond to this comment.correction: “you stay in your backyard, I’ll stay in mine” kind of thing.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Christine great article,
Three parts for me address here:
Are men and women the same?
Do men and women complete each other?
Are origin of birth stereotypes fair?
Are men and women the same?Science and research agree that men and women are 'different' and it's a fact really. Hormones and biology make it so.But as hormone levels vary from person to person the differences are more or less exaggerated to the point of 'sameness' for some.Meanwhile,Do men and women complete each other?
Let's begin at the beginning
In terms of love and why we need love or have love, why love exists at all. It's a matter of survival.All species which require 'parenting' form bonds which can be observed with their own young and either a 'community' or a spouse, though not in all cases as there are many species which care for their young yet live a solitary existence and have no mate except for the process of mating ie tigers.Reptiles do not raise their young and as such you won't observe what appears to be a bond/love amongst reptiles.In the case of humans, if parents did not feel a bond for their young we'd not care for them and they'd die as they are born helpless.If we didn't form bonds with a mate we may also then perish as we'd be vulnerable with our baby to predators (in the past of course not so much now) and similarly with the need to be a community species for survival purposes.Thus we are different (men and women) and we do 'need' love.
Are men and women two parts of one whole? No- because we are different.
Are origin of birth stereotypes fair?
Should humans be characterised by colour or country of origin? Hell no! In that respect we are the same beneath the skin! Very much so. It requires no 'proof'. I've met people from all corners of the world and we all share the same fears, the same emotional highs and the same desires.May the debate rage on! Great topic.
ps. If you mention your origins and colour often people's attention will more likely be drawn to this fact as a' difference' is highlighted by the author.Please log in to respond to this comment.CB, let me attempt to address each of your points. Tall order… you’re good!!!
Are men and women the same?
I couldn’t make out exactly what you were saying, but I think you agree that there is not really much difference biologically because “the differences are more or less exaggerated to the point of 'sameness' for some". I may be wrong about what you meant, but I have been in a room with both men and women, and felt no immediate click with the majority of women except that biologically we “look like women”. Yet in the same room, I immediately clicked with the men like a natural fit, talking and laughing like I was just one of them. It’s caused me to wonder sometimes what my own “biological make up” is… LOL! (redunant point: I've always been a "tomboy" whatever that means). But once I get over my initial “shyness” and venture to the “women's side”, we’re not that different as I first thought.
Do men and women complete each other?
Again, I am not sure what love, needing love and completing each other has to do with “vulnerable with our baby to predators”. I am dumb like that sometimes… :-) There are many societies all over the world where “survival" has nothing to do with "love" or needing love". Why else do women marry millionaires they do not love and even have babies with them? Surely not for love, need of love or completion? Some of those marriages survive a lifetime…Are origin of birth stereotypes fair?
I agree, NOT FAIR!!!! As for mentioning my place of origin, you may not know this because you have no experience of it. See, if you’re “black” and even more so “African” and do not fit the "stereotype" then you must be an exception. Either you're "not really African" or something "right" miraculously happened to you that you turned up "okay". Unfortunately this comes from both whites and blacks/Africans. Africans are not expected to be a certain way and most people have a hard time reconciling the conflicting images in their heads. African?… this one? I even get people who get so visibly upset (almost to tears) because they tell me “I am different from all other Africans because I look like this… think like this… or act like that…” and I say, “NO! So many Africans look, think and act just like me. I am NOT an exception!”. These people “genuinely like me” (or so I want to believe…lol) and the only way they can justify their liking/acceptance of me is because I am not like “those other Africans”. By saying over and over “I come from Africa”, I am just taking my rightful place (I am really African and very proud to be one), standing up for “those other Africans” and contradicting the perception that an African has to be “an exception” to look, think and act a certain way. Is that so wrong??? :-)
As always, your input is highly appreciated... great addition to the debate... Thank you!Please log in to respond to this comment.Christine, I get exactly the same thing re being stereotyped as a white person when I am friends with blacks, proving we're all the same. I myself don't see colour as I was raised in a very multi-cultural society.
Meanwhile
I had an African colleague and pal a few years ago, who didn't like whites, but she liked me 'as I was different'. Of course I'm no different...no different to her, no different to other white people. Colour isn't what makes us, but racism and stereotyping are shared by every culture, whites don't have a monopoly on it that's for sure.
Getting on more with men than women doesn't mean you are more 'man' than woman or that men and women are the same. Men's testosterone levels dictate their character and behaviour as oestrogen dictates ours, meanwhile our brains are very different so one cannot argue that we are the same, physically we are not the same and these physical and biological differences do determine our character and the differences between them.
Some women feel more comfortable in the company of men as the competetive edge they may experience with women is absent and hence a 'comfort' zone is reached. The woman gets attention she may not get in an all female group. Women can also be bitchy and if that's not in a woman's nature again they may gravitate more towards male company to avoid it.
I find male and female company stimulating in different ways but my interests are generally shared more by males than females, so I may find myself preferring their company for that reason. But we are not the same.
Re the love thing, this at it's grass roots is about survival (long time ago) nowadays some bonds are made as you say not out of love but they still relate to survival - women with rich men and vice versa where no love is shared. The money is essential for survival in this modern world. Has money thus replaced love? Not for me, but for some.
I hope this is clearer, I do ramble! :)Please log in to respond to this comment.Yes, it does clear up a few things. Stereotypes cuts both ways and if you notice I did say “Unfortunately this comes from both whites and blacks/Africans". I said the same thing in my response to Kacy (above) about “talking/acting white” and “Oreo Cookie”.
CB, I personally don’t think science explains everything just like I don’t think religion does. The same "science' apparently says because I am "black", my brain is smaller than that of Caucasian/Asian people, and as a result I am intellectually inferior. Yeah-right!!! lol. Some English prof. used the argument to discourage me from taking a statistics class... "didn't have it in me"... it'd be better for me to take Arts subjects. I went ahead and blew his stupid "science" theory out of the water. Same thing, a Chinese Business trainer told me in front of all the class ( I was the only black African in class), "Africans can't do business, it's been proven by science". Guess what???
The testosterone and estrogen and all that hormonal stuff is for some people, I don’t buy it wholesale. You do have to admit that there are women who are more “men” physically than most men, and there are “men” who are more “woman” than most women. A good example is the women in the “tribe” I was raised in. They're are naturally very strong physically (average height 5’8” some as tall as 6’2, lean and fine muscles) just like the men, and can be very physically aggressive that’s why "wife beaters" from other tribes fear marrying them. They can pound a man who tries to beat them like a rug on the floor. That and that their sex drive is so up there. I ‘d like someone to do studies on these women’s “testosterone” levels and even their “brains” not just make generalizations based on a few studies of a few women. I think we’d all be somewhat surprised!!!
You do make some good points here, all that you list as your experience as a woman is very different from my experience as a woman. I grew up mostly with my brother and hang on him like a second skin. I wasn’t looking for attention from other boys or even afraid of competition from other girls (didn’t even know what that was). I never played with dolls and never did all the girl stuff, but instead herded cattle, played spear-fights, raced and wrestled boys. That experience defined my character and personality. Even physically I didn’t look like a girl unitl may be 14-16 years old…:-). Boys even didn’t treat me like a girl. We went head-to-head on anything and everything. I lost some and won some. The “woman stuff” came later to me in life, and I took it and ran with it. So the conclusion here may be that we are more alike as women biologically than we are in “experience of being a woman”. It’s the Nature Vs. Nurture argument… I think.Please log in to respond to this comment.Christine, I also had a brother and was very tom boyish and don't do flirting. I've had more fights with boys (physical scraps) that I care to remember and I too possess abnormal strength. But we can't argue with biology wholesale. The fact is testosterone dictates strength and temper and if a woman has a large dose of it, sure she'll be more manly both in appearance and manner. Same re men with oestrogen.
Meanwhile I know of no evidence that shows African brains are smaller than whites.
Re biology, if a woman is more manly and vice versa then there is ALWAYS a biological reason for it as we are biology. Everything we think and feel is dictated by it. It doesn't occur by itself, anymore than a clock ticks without out the mechanical bits that make it tick.
We shall agree to disagree :)Please log in to respond to this comment.Re stereotyping, I mentioned one experience I had with it before, but I have had many. I lived in an area where whites were the minority in the UK and had a lot of racism from blacks and Indians. I couldn't get served in shops and had comments made in the street and my Sikh boss (I was a Manager of a medical center) used to call me 'girl'.
Meanwhile one of the worst acts of racism I ever read about in the Uk was three black men who cut off a white boys penis (he was 8yrs old) in a public toilets so he couldn't reproduce.
These same people were racist towards each other too, to lighter skinned, different casts and so on. Racism is alive and well in all cultures and whites don't have a monopoly on it, far from it.
Racist people complain about racism. It's ironic but it's a fact.Please log in to respond to this comment.I'll skip the "racism" bit argument because we can go on and on and on examples of "racism' on both sides and lose the focus of the article re: we're really not that different.I believe that sometimes racism can be seen where there is none. Like in my examples of people's perceptions of what Africans should think, look or act like. I do not believe any of these people are necessarily "racist" or even acted in a racially insenstive manner. That's why I didn't use the word "racism" to describe my experience. Sometimes we just don't know enough about someone of another race-- we think we do but we really don't (and the Western media does not show a balanced coverage of African everyday life... just wars, poverty and disease); sometimes we're afraid of getting to know someone of another race (like Robert above said, fear of intimacy); and sometimes there are just not enough opportunities to interact one on one. That's why a forum like Searchwarp is a God-given opportunity for others to peep into the mind of people of different races, beliefs, ideologies etc. When all is said and done, we're really not that different...:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.My sentiments exactly, we're all human and human's have negative and positive traits and they are shared in differing degrees from person to person as oppose to from race to race. We are after all the same species regardless of birth place/religion etc.
Stereotypes are alive and well and the media is largely responsible for that. I recall writing an article ages ago about this subject, as there was a lot of anti-muslim feeling at the time and I was making the point that one race isn't more evil or ignorant than another. We're all the same.Please log in to respond to this comment.There is biology and then there is "spirit" which lives on when "biology" long stopped ticking. But like you said, we'll agree to disagree..:-). .Please log in to respond to this comment.I believe in an afterlife too :) so we can continue to agree on that. My belief though is more a case of wondering if there are two living life forms that make up the human whole. A biological life form and an energy only life-form. Each living symbiotically to the point of one being unaware of the other except at the point of death when the energy life form departs the dead biological life form. You may call this a spirit or a soul. It's just a ponderance, but I like it! :)
I think we agree more than we disagree ;)Please log in to respond to this comment.I guess we'll find out what is what after life...:-) I am in no hurry... I am having a great time this side of life!!!!! Thanks CB, for everything... I appreciate it:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
I liked the article and the debate resulting.Please log in to respond to this comment.Ann, I am glad you liked both the article and the debate. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment…. :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
Christine~ This is wonderfully done. Naive? Nope. I think NOT! Funny how we're 'labeled' as such when we believe strongly those things that are 'organic'. What you say here....all true (at least in MY world) and all from a place of "tribe"...which is what we are. ALL OF US. One Tribe. One World. One Heart. This includes people, critters, trees, flowers, rocks, waters, etc...etc. You get what I'm saying. I'm thinking that we're a bit closer than the media leads us to believe. AND...the more people like you (and me and the others who commented here) who actually LIVE this credo, the more we shall see this beautiful shift occur. Thanks for your voice.Hugs~CamillePlease log in to respond to this comment.Camille, I hear you loud and clear… :-) I also believe that we’re so interconnected and so interdependent… people, critters, trees, flowers, rocks, waters, etc...etc. to appoint that many of us don’t even seem to be conscious of it anymore. You did mention one thing which also cheers up my heart and that is, believing that the “beautiful shift” will occur. The wheel WILL turn back towards One Tribe. One World. One Heart when we turn it. I don’t know if it’ll happen in my lifetime but I sure want to be part of the energy that made it happen. If I am right, I hear you saying the same thing. Let’s lock in that BIG One Heart hug… and PUSH! I hope you can feel mine… I feel yours :-)I like “organic”… said the way you said it, I am happy to be called naïve anytime… anytime. Thank you for the comment and the encouragement!! LOVE ALWAYS (as a member of my "tribe", I know you get what that means...:-))Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Christine,OK, first thing. When you write about something you need some passion. I'd like to see a little fire, indignation, some . . . spunk. Come on now, let's open up and tell it like it really is . . .OK, kidding aside. Here's one for you. Put everyone on their death bed, what are they thinking about. "Gee, we're all pretty much the same. We come into this world the same way we go out: dependent, in a diaper, spitting up on ourselves." That's the bottom line, isn't it?I think the only reason God made differences is for us to learn that difference makes life interesting not one better than the other. But simple minds in all their stupidity and insecurity will latch onto sameness and lash out at difference at the drop of a hat. It takes self-control and an understanding of great significance to NOT lash out just because someone has different color skin, talks funny, looks funny, worships funny. But you know what? Everybody funny . . . at least to someone else.And it's often the person who is the most "funny" who thinks everybody else is funny. Isn't that funny? But humankind for the sake of stirring up the dirt loves to look at things and classify so they can talk, talk politics, demographics, money, power, influence, manipulation, deceit, on and on and on the bull$%&*@$%& piles up. But step lightly, now, that pile is deep.And even though, as you say, "A woman is created to be complete without a man, and a man is created to be complete without a woman," there is still great need for them to get together: to cherish difference, to overcome selfishness and look to the betterment of the other or others, to learn patinece, forgiveness, kindness, dare I say it? Love? Yes, I think I just did that, I certainly did.Isn't that the issue here? And regardless of what you call people (My wife likes to be called Latina, my daughter Hispanic, my best friend black, his brother African / American--go figure) they are, after all, people, yes? All wanting to be acknowledge, treated fairly, with respect, with courtesy, with honor, and once we focus too much on differentiation all of that breaks down. Are we not, after all, all brothers and sisters needing to look after the other not tear down and tear apart out of fear and stupidity?Here's to you, sister, you go get 'em and keep gettin' 'em or else I'll get after you for not gettin,' get it? Get on! ;=)Please log in to respond to this comment.Jeff… Jeff… Jeff Brown! I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s see…."I'd like to see a little fire, indignation, some . . . spunk..."When I was a kid, I often heard the words, “when a lion is sleeping don’t you try to wake it up… and if it comes your way, don’t you stand up in it’s way”. So, my dear, be careful what “little fire, indignation, some spunk” you ask for… Lion, Lion might just wake up and come your way…ask KacyCarr...LOLI am in sync with just about everything you said here. And yes, it’s funny that sometimes when we think we’re above the pile, we’re already deep in the that "stuff". We just can’t see it because it’s up over our headsI also think I understand (may be not…lol) why your wife likes to be called Latina, your daughter Hispanic, your best friend black, his brother African / American. I love being called African (as if that’s not so obvious already…), it gives identity to my experience and explains some of the unique ways I responses to stimuli… So yes, like your family and friends, I want my “unique experience” acknowledged with respect. It’s an experience that’s different from say, another dark-skinned African-Canadian (born and has lived all his/her life in Canada). But that’s all it is, “a life experience” or as some would call it “a journey”. Take all that away, and I am just like everybody else -- human! . But why take it away, if that “life experience’ can be used to help someone else’s journey? Isn’t that what we’re… fellow travelers, companions all moving towards the light -- even those seating in their own "stuff" too afraid to reach out because that person is of another gender, race, colour, religion, class… looks funny etc.I say it again… we’re only different in “life experiences”, and that’s a good thing. As long as our “differences” aren't what dictates or determines our experience.!!!!“Here's to you, sister, you go get 'em and keep gettin' 'em or else I'll get after you for not gettin,' get it? Get on! ;=)Get after me for not getting them? Uh-OH! Are you threatening me, brother? LOL!Please log in to respond to this comment.The right owrds are: "even those sitting in their own "stuff"... I read some of your articles and know that you're about "proper English language use". See, I didn't do well in my English class... dodged most of the classes although it was compulsory. I was busy trying to prove I had “science in me” and could do a course in statistics...:-) Should have paid more attention in the English class... I might have become "somebody" famous or important...LOLPlease log in to respond to this comment.Christine,
I'm not a cusser or potty mouth by trade, but that's why they're so effective when I do use them. Over use fails. Pull 'em out once in while derails. You should see those trains leaving the track as a fling a good cuss now and then. Most effective.
Any way, it just irks me when that collective Small Minds Brigade continues to breed, making race, color, religion, and so on, an issue. It's still bad out there, even though PC has swept it under the carpet. But now it's gotten so bad that a sports announcer got in trouble for . . . Well, I'm still not sure why.
After listening to a Spanish speaking announcer call a play he said, "Gee, my Spanish from high school isn't that good, but either he said 'that was an amazing play' or 'the laundry is ready'" I had to ponder for a while why that would offend not one but numerous viewers. There's a difference between over reacting and racists remarks. And I know how bad it can be. My wife had answered the phone and spoke to a person looking for me. When he left another message, he said, "I called the other day and I think I spoke to your house keeper." Well, she does keep house but she's also my wife. Geesh.
We are just too darned focused on race for negative reasons, it appears to me. It can turn toxic too quickly. And I think this why we have such hyper focus on race or the issue of what he is, she is. Or as I like to say, what all the $%&*@$%& is about. ;=) Sorry, I'll get the soap.
So very much peace to you and yours.Please log in to respond to this comment.I hear you… I can’t even begin to imagine how your wife felt. It's really sad when that happens… but I have a strong feeling your wife is a secure, confident and strong woman… who has learnt to dust it off the shoulders and wash it off with a smile… works every time!!!!Must be quite a scene watching those trains leaving the track on steam from a good cuss now and then…I’ll take the peace, thank you! Sending the same to you and yours.Please log in to respond to this comment.
"wife is a secure, confident and strong woman"Right on all three counts. She's a very quite and unassuming person, but, as she says, she's the "general of the house." I'm not arguing with that. She may only be 5' 3" 110, but she pack a wallop. Ouch! Have a good one.Please log in to respond to this comment.Beautiful reflection. It mirrors well on you and on Love/God... :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
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