Africans? Sex? He-He, Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge
Posted: Tuesday, April 07, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
"Why aren't HIV/AIDS education programmes in Africa working?" I am sometimes asked.
Because, the people with the big money - the ones who dictate these programmes assume that all cultures 'DO" sex the same way and all think about sex in the same way. They assume that what works in the West will work in Africa. Africans in their typical "silent resistance" ways are not saying anything because those with the money will withhold their money.
Forcing "Western" values, beliefs and cultures on Africans -- and less than useful prevention strategies at times - have blinded those at the forefront of the fight against HIV/AIDS, African governments and institutions (who mostly depend on Western funding), the international development community, non-profit organizations working in Africa from seeing how existing African sexual and cultural attitudes can be mobilized for HIV/AIDS intervention and prevention efforts. By focusing almost exclusively on what donors want to fund, policy makers, researchers and behavioural scientist are not paying much attention to what those with the disease are saying about some of the education and awareness strategies currently employed in the fight against HIV/AIDS in Africa.
As one African man said, "I agree that Africans should talk about sex more. But the western way of talking makes sex boring and meaningless. Sex is not something which just happens, is handled, and then forgotten about".
Western cultures, North American to be specific tend to more generally focus on the verbal aspect of communication. In deed the most powerful form of expression in Western cultures is speech. Data from the body on most part is commonly ignored, minimized and distinctly designated to a secondary, more restricted role. For example, many North Americans can say "I was really excited" or "He made me very angry" but facial expression and body language does not mirror the emotions being verbalized.The use of words and minimization of data from other senses typifies representations of sexual behaviour and governs the patterns in which sexuality is talked about and heard. When talking about sex and sexuality, people in North American tend to suppress all emotion, control body movements and even stifle their voices. Spontaneous expression by the body is further limited and restricted by "political correctness".
Africans I talk to say, this business of "talking and talking" renders a person impotent to act in a natural way or at all. They also say they find explicit messages and/or pictures of genitals a source of embarrassment. Many find it offensive, even embarrassing to look at private parts exposed like that on TV and in movies, let alone watch two people being physically intimate.
One African mother commented "I am sick and tired of people rudely shoving it in your face when you least expect it. You can be sitting with all your family watching a perfectly family oriented programme and bum, there they are blatantly romping around naked and apparently judgment-free. It is vulgar and sex-demeaning to reduce sex to public entertainment."
Interestingly, many Europeans and North Americans I've talked to on the other hand say the explicit expression of sexuality visible in African societies has no parallel in the West. This is particularly true they say of African dances which many find to be sexually explicit to the point of being vulgar. Some Europeans, North Americans and Asians find it admirable, others are offended and even embarrassed by it.
What we have is a cross cultural conflict (and stand-off) in sexual attitudes, behaviours, expression and world views. The donors with the money see a breakthrough in "modernizing" Africa and Africans; the Africans on the other hand wish to modernize without adopting the values, attitudes and sexual expression of Western cultures.
"It doesn't create the healthy attitude towards sex as Westerners claim it does. Instead it creates a dispassionate and mechanical mind-set that kills the emotional and fulfilling aspects of an in-depth sexual encounter", says one man.
"We sit in shock about things we hear from our white brothers. Things like having sex with one's wife only once or twice a week. That is not normal", commented one participant at a donor funded workshop on HIV/AIDS awareness. The participant was reacting to a Canadian "expert on Africa" presentation on how in the West sex education programmes have been successful in educating people about their sexual health, accessing family planning resources and learning about HIV/AIDS. Completely clueless, both sides of the cross-cultural table missed the point at which a meaningful discussion might have started. Another said to me, "This obsession with sex comes from a fear of the power of one's sexuality. They are attempting to manage and control it like they do everything, and they are missing out."
Okay, I understand the missing out part, but seriously, who are we kidding?
Africans talk about sex too. We don't hold back in getting down and dirty, some more explicit and vulgar than others. The only difference is that when Africans talk about sex, even the very energy in the room is erotically charged. There is that wink- wink, nudge- nudge, funny facial expressions, hand gestures and body movements. No one is trying to be "sexy" (I am not even sure the word "sexy" exists in any African language) but sexy in on -- make no mistake about it.
With our penchant for laughing at ourselves, we joke around and tease each other about our personal sexual lives in many different ways. Nothing is off limits or "politically incorrect". This happens whether the conversation is cross gender or between peers of same gender. The only socio cultural requirement is that we don't talk "vulgar" in front of our parents or anyone old enough to be our father or mother, in front of children and with strangers or people one does not know intimately a.k.a. "public". This is the side of the African we "hide" away from the rest of the world public. And sometimes for good reason, especially with the "sexual animal" stereotype we have had to live with for centuries.
Discomfort with things we feel embarrassed to talk about especially in the public arena (with Western donors, policy makers, researchers, behavioural scientist etc.) is the primary reason we're foot-dragging on HIV/AIDS, and display uncompromising attachment to (exhausted and outdated relics of) tradition.
Just as the West worked successfully to frame and construct HIV prevention messages in images, terms and forms accessible and appropriate to Western cultures' sexual beliefs and forms of expression, educational prevention and interventions in Africa need to draw on the sexual culture of the communities and include those targeted by those intervention and interventions efforts.
My hope is that this will provoke a simple, lively, thought-provoking, open-minded, intelligent, informed, culturally aware and sexually empowered discussion that captures the voices, feelings and words of Africans as has never been heard before.
My hope is also that ordinary folks in Western countries who care about the sacredness of human life will not only understand some of the reasons why nothing seems to be working on the HIV/AIDS education awareness in Africa, but be inspired to get involved in efforts to fight this disease.
The hidden fears and frustrations surrounding this epidemic can not and should not be ignored anymore. I am willing to stand up and be counted. Are you?
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is a Cross Cultural Relations Consultant with experience in cross-cultural negotiations, problem-solving, team-building, project design, project management, project evaluation and monitoring. She has held Program Coordination and Program Management positions with diplomatic missions and international aid agencies including the British High Commission, Canadian International Development Agency and UNICEF Canada. She has also worked in Public Relations with European Union funded programme and done consulting work with IMF/World Bank and World Health Organization affiliated initiatives, as well as many Non-Government Organizations in and outside Africa. Christine is also an internationally renowned Dating and Relationships Coach, Motivational Speaker, AIDS Activist and Youth HIV/AIDS Educator. She currently lives in Toronto, Canada.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I really think that it has only been in the last couple decades, maybe, that public discussion of sex has become popular (if that is the right word to describe it) in the West. I was raised in the '50s and '60s, and although the '60s were supposed to be the generation of "free sex", most parents did not openly talk about it with their kids. You know how a parent is supposed to give their children 'the talk' when they become curious at whatever age they do? Well, that never happened in my home. When my children were young, my wife and I made it a point to buy some children's books explaining sex and sit down with our kids and read them and discuss them.It may take time for Africans to get to the openness that is in the West, but it will probably come eventually. With the epidemic of Aids, it probably can't come soon enough.Please log in to respond to this comment.I hear what you are saying David. I get the sense that may be I did not present my thoughts very well in the article. I've said it many times here, writing in English is not one of my gifts …:-)
When it comes to sexuality, openness and early childhood sexual education, the African is probably the most sophisticated in this area. I know of very few cultures in the world that take sexuality education and erotic education as seriously as African cultures. I have a Searchwarp article on that titled,"Flirting, Seduction And Ritual Courtship (African Style)".
The problem here is when it comes to HIV/AIDS education as a means of fighting this epidemic. There is a cultural gap between those who fund these programmes and dictate the terms on how the programmes should be delivered (Western donors) and those who have the disease (Africans). Most Western donors think the way you said here “It may take time for Africans to get to the openness that is in the West, but it will probably come eventually. With the epidemic of Aids, it probably can't come soon enough.”Some of these donors are using this tragedy to impose Western values and beliefs to speed up the process of westernization of African people. The Africans on the other hand are resisting -- silently. Africans just do not want that kind of “the openness that is in the West” for the very reasons I list in this article. They do not believe the “Western” way represents their reality or even how they live their lives -- let alone how they "DO" sex. And believe me when I say the "do" is different.. :-)What many of us caught in the middle of the “cultural gap” want is to see Western donors who sincerely want to help African acknowledge that this disease will not be eradicated “Western style” and Africans taking responsibility for the way these programmes are designed.I am trying to raise awareness of the “hidden cultural power struggle" behind this disease. This is what I was trying to communicate in the article, but may have not done so well. A tripple tragedy indeed...lol!!!!I appreciate your interest in reading and leaving a comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Christine your article is excellent, though it generates some mystery! While you make it clear that Westerners do not know what they are doing in the African cultures, (a tradition in their history of pushing power and influence around the world), what exactly could work re HIV/AIDS prevention/treatment etc.? Can you explain more what your ideas are? Is it a case of give them the money and then butt out?Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks Dianne for asking. I wrote elsewhere in my articles that African countries are grateful for Western help, but this epidemic will not be solved with Western money alone. I'd even go further and say, the power and control that comes with the "money" is a problem in itself.See, my issue is not that Westerners do not know what they are doing in the African cultures, that's expected when working in a different culture. This is an issue of some Western donors being dismissive (and not excited about funding) alternative approaches that take into account the cultures they work in. HIV/AIDS is so much a “behavioural disease” as is a scientific one that is why the African input is absolutely critical.I recognize and acknowledge that no one approach is the best approach as this disease is so complex. A combination of Western science and African-centered development paradigms have been proven to be extremely successful as seen in countries like Uganda and Namibia. I can’t write much in a comment, but if you are interested, please read an article I wrote here on Searchwarp entitled “True Love Waits - The Pope's African Condom Problem”.There are other complex issues involved as well including the way data is being collected and used etc.I am very passionate about this course and very much appreciate you giving me the opportunity to explain myself. It means a lot to me.And thank you for joining my fan club! :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
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