Yangki Christine Akiteng

Why Does Your Ex Girlfriend Hate You So Much?



Posted: Monday, May 04, 2009

by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor

Some break-ups are amicable and others are so nass-teey. Some people stay friends after a breakup and others want to forget they ever knew each other's name.  Different folks, different strokes.

What if your break-up wasn't one of those nasty ones and you and your ex decided that you were going to remain "nice" to each even be friends, but then your ex girlfriend starts acting really cold and mean?

She sees you and quickly walks away or ignores you altogether. Or she talks to you (even sometimes initiates the conversation) only to start telling you how great her life is. She goes out of her way to be affectionate and flirtatious with other guys when you are around. She tells you about this or that great guy she's seeing. She even talks about her (great) sex life and what this or that other guy does with her. And whatever you say or do, all your best intentions are met with hostility, suspicion, resentment, irritation, anger, vindictiveness and worse.

Why is an ex girlfriend who at times said she loved you now trying to hurt you? What are her intentions?
 
Each person and each relationship is different, and unless I know the details of your particular situation, it would be a mistake for me to make generalizations.
It could be that you ex girlfriend really wants you gone because she doesn't love you anymore. Most girls/women are cold, mean and cruel with a guy they feel is interested in them or is in love with them but they are not interested in him or do not want to be with him anymore. It's a passive aggressive behaviour where she feels that if she is nasty to you, you'll get the message and leave her alone.

All that talk about another guy who makes her happy and those crap updates of her sex life -- true or baloney -- is just her way of burning the remains of what was, no matter how small.

Why doesn't she just tell you to get lost instead of intentionally trying to hurt you?

If the break-up was not nasty or if she broke up with you, she may be struggling with a combination of pity and guilt. She feels pity for you because you are a really "Nice Guy" whom she just doesn't have those love feelings for anymore. She feels guilty that she can not love you as you love her and that in some ways makes her a "bad" person. The combination of pity and guilt gets under her skin, literally, making her angry at you for making her feel this way.  Your puppy-like sad-face is not helping.

Could it be that she still has feelings for you?
 
There is a possibility that your ex is not over caring for you. Her cold, mean and cruel behaviour is her (immature) way of trying to cope with the feelings she still has but does not want to feel. You may have heard the saying "hurting people, hurt others" which basically means people who hurt others with their actions and words are doing so to try to make themselves feel better. Most times this is how they were raised. The only way they know how to deal with their own pain - feeling of inadequacy or rejection - is to spite others, cause someone else more pain, or keep them in an endless loop of conflicting emotions. For these people, the line between love and hate is very thin.

Does she hate you that much to be so cruel?
 
If your relationship is toxic, then you are dealing with someone who is doing things to hurt you because she knows that she can. If she can control how you feel, she controls you. She interprets your pain as "you still care for her" and that means she still "owns you". It's all about her.
If you are in this kind of relationship with your ex, you need to face the reality of the situation and ask yourself, "Is this person treating me with love and respect?",  "Is this the kind of girl or woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?", "What kind of life would that be?"

Nobody can hurt you unless you let them. It's your own feelings and reaction to what others say and do that hurt you, not the words and actions of others.

About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.

Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com

e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
 
Internationally recognized Relationships Coach and author of three popular eBooks: Dating Your Ex, The Art of Seducing Out Of Fullness and Playing Hard To Get the Love Way, Yangki Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life helping men and women create loving, authentic, exciting and fulfilling relationships. Having lived and worked in Africa, Europe and North America, Yangki brings a unique international perspective and multicultural understanding to her work. For more articles and information on the services she offers to singles and couples please visit: www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com

Ask your questions, read answers and join discussions on HOT Topics at: www.askthelovedoctor.com. All are welcome!
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