Jesus This, Jesus That. So Blah... Blah! Why Can't We Just Have a Normal Conversation Anymore?
Posted: Saturday, May 09, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
One of my friends just returned from Afghanistan. I love this friend so dearly, but he is really getting on my nerves. Every sentence he says has the word "Afghanistan" in it. Afghanistan this... Afghan people that... In Afghanistan they... blah, blah, blah.
All the things he says are positive, interesting and educational, and there is no doubt in my heart that he has fallen in love with the country and its people. I am sometimes like that myself after a field trip and have been told off by my friends when I get to "Jesus This, Jesus That" mode.
But no joy! I'd sit there listening to him talk about Jesus said this, this bible verse says that, that bible story is about this. Sometimes one of them would mistake my silence for not knowing anything about Jesus or the bible and start preaching to me. I had a guy once ask me to receive Jesus Christ as my personal saviour and friend -- on a first date!
Like I said, if I really, really liked the guy, I'd try to find out a little bit more about him as a person -- what he likes to do, how he spends his day, who he hangs out with etc. This is when he starts talking about his church, his prayer group, this person he led to Christ, that testimony he heard about someone receiving Christ etc. No imagination, no creativity, no originality. It's like the guys had no "other lives" at all!
This is not meant to bash born - again Christian men. The irony of it all is that since then I've met quite a few interesting ones. Only problem is, I am already taken! May be at the time, I just didn't know how to attract the interesting ones. Plus then, I had this thing: if I can't stand on my toes to kiss him, he ain't tall enough. I am like 5'8 and wear 3 - 4 inch heels, so you can imagine how hard it was for me to even get a date. But that "ain't tall enough" thingie is in the past. I grew up and got over that superficial stupidity. Thank God!
The reason I am even writing this is that I think that sometimes people use "Jesus This, Jesus That" approach to anything to deter or block us from getting to know who they really are, what they really know, what they really think about (alone) and how they really feel deep inside. I am sure some of those born-again Christian guys I went out with were interesting, funny, broadly informed and could talk about many things other than their run-around-in-circles "small world" experiences. But we never got to any of that.
If you are like me, sometimes you just want to have a normal conversation; want to get the real FEEL of an individual man or woman -- the biggest lie they've ever told, their deepest fear about growing old, the longest night they've ever spent, the angriest letter they never sent, the girl or boy they swore they'd never leave, the one they kissed on new year's eve, the dream they had last night, their darkest hour, their hardest fight, the saddest song they ever heard, the most they've said with just one word, the loneliest prayer they ever prayed, the truest vow they ever made, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, what gets them by, their highest high, their lowest low, what makes them mad and do they sometimes feel like screaming, shouting or cursing?
Like Bryan Adams in "I Wanna Know You Like I Know Myself, Inside Out", these are the things I wanna know -- in a normal conversation -- with anyone. All the "Jesus This, Jesus That" is great. And all the romantic stuff is... what? Romantic. But sometimes all people want is just to get to know us -- the real us. Is that too much to ask for?
When did being real -- like a real human being with real thoughts, real desires, real emotions and a real life -- become such a bad thing?
As for my friend, he is in love with "Afghanistan" alright, but I think there is more to it. I won't be surprised if he adopts a Muslim name, denounces his Canadian citizenship, moves to Afghanistan and starts writing scathing columns about Canada's involvement in Afghanistan.
Not that any of that is a bad thing. We Canadians are not ashamed of admitting our mistakes and weaknesses to the rest of the world (eh?). Our country is strong like that.
Right now, I just want to have a normal conversation with my friend -- again.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Christine, it's uncanny you'd write about this because I wondered if I had balance and had thought about it. I finally concluded I wouldn't mind being known as a Jesus-freak much like some techies like being called geeks. In the course of my life, I have been called worse.
But, I know what you mean. I've come across people who fit the bill. Sex would be an off limits topic of discussion for them. That's when I really lay it on and graphically, no crude vernacular, of course! LOL
I'm happy you addressed this because I was wondering about it regarding myself. Oh, about people not wanting others to get to know them, or hiding something, I hadn't thought of that. I'll address it with clients but not the general population. I'm a guarded social butterfly. I flint and fly about, off to the next thing, not desiring to bond with many but just a few, a very select few.
Keep us thinking, Chrissy. (Hope you don't mind, that came out naturally. If you do, I take it back! . . . and quickly!) lol
Love, in Jesus' name (LOL!!)
AvisPlease log in to respond to this comment.Love, in Jesus' name… give me a break! LOL!I am so pleased that you GET IT, Avis. After posting the article, I thought that may be I’d gone a little bit too far with turning up the heat under people’s seats…:-) Your comment “Keep us thinking” just “Baracked my Obama”… And please, don’t’ any “off-limits" ideas... in my circles, it's another way of saying you got me all fired up and ready to go…Funny that you should mention “really lay it on and graphically”. For a while I’ve suspected that Big Sis was holding it out on me…no crude vernacular, of course! *wink…wink”! Sex is one of those areas, but I find that many people are happy just knowing about a few things, and that’s all they talk about. When I find someone locked into “Jesus This, Jesus That” mode I wonder why they are so limited… not enough intellectual curiosity, limited social circle, hiding/defensive about something, may be repressing something…Unknown to most people a lot of what we think we’ve “hidden so well” is actually what most people pick up as “being un authentic” Equally un-authentic people will be drawn to that because it means that they don’t have to be authentic either. All they have to be is “nice”. Authentic people o the other hand are turned away by lack of authenticity. This is when I sometimes catch a case of a run-way-mouth and say it like it is…. Ooops! lolJesus-Freak? You too? I wonder what else we have in common... :-) I was called that most of my teen years. Had to believe, eh!? Truth is I was doing more of the freaking the Jesus out of people than Jesusing the freaky… and I was good… very good… almost freaked myself too…I hope you know that I love and respect you -- a lot! I don’t get called Chrissy often… I’ll take it… THANK YOU.Please log in to respond to this comment.
She really has a knack for knowing. I've known many Californians, where "In California, we..."I had a high school friend who I met on the street a few years after graduation. He became a Born Again Jesus Freak, and preached to me on the sidewalk, and asked me to pray with him. Being the mellow, tolerant one that I am, I did it. A few years later he apologized to me, telling me he was now so embarrassed by his overly eager proselytizing back than. Just goes to show you, extreme religion can sometimes be mental disturbance in lamb's clothing.Please log in to respond to this comment.Thank you, Anonymous for your interesting addition. I completely agree with you on “extremism”. The article is not so much about religion or even Jesus or being passionate about something. I think that people who are passionate about something are humanity’s best hope for continuity. Passion often leads to new ideas and new ways of improving our collective humanity. It’s the extreme of anything in exclusion of everything else (and at the expense of originality, authenticity, creativity and willingness to learn something new or tolerate a wide range of ideas and behaviours ) that is usually a bad sign --intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I love this, Christine. I am one of those people who would rather let my actions speak for my beliefs. One issue that I run into since I spend so much of my time online is when conversing with other Christians via email. They might sign their email, "In Christ's Love," or "In His Name," or something similar. The problem is that I just can't bring myself to return such a spiritual sounding closing. I usually drop back to the basic, "Best Regards," as I believe it conveys basic human-to-human respect, kind of like, "you and I are in this together, and I think very highly of you". Sometimes I think this gets misinterpreted for me being embarrassed or ashamed of Christianity, which is not at all true.I think there is also a Biblical basis for this practice. I think of Jesus saying, "let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no' be 'no' and add nothing more. Also where Jesus spoke against those who would say to their neighbor, "God bless you, be in peace" and then go away, leaving them cold and hungry. I sincerely hope that my actions speak well of my beliefs.In light of this, I'll close by saying: You have my best regards, Christine!Please log in to respond to this comment.I like the way you put it “drop back to the basic”. When I look at the lives of some of the people whose actions have positively transformed our collective humanity, human-to-human touch is their greatest legacy. Many of us have very limited human-to-human contact in a real way in our lives or are selectively human for gain -- material or social. May be that's why we look at anyone being human with suspect. How dare they?As for “I sincerely hope that my actions speak well of my beliefs”. My humble opinion is: if how you and your team run Searchwarp is not actions speaking for your beliefs Bruce, I don’t know what else is. Personally I don’t care for the "In Christ's Love," or "In His Name," or “Bless you”, as long as Searchwarp keeps speaking in a human-to-human way for Jesus and for us who call this home. I don't claim to understand His mind (not al all), but something in me believes He (Jesus) understands -- He's been there done that!Best Regards (you and I are in this together, and I think very highly of you!) … :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
Take a deep breath, it's going to be all right.Please log in to respond to this comment.Okay...breathe... I am breathing.... Crap! I must have breathed the wrong way... LOL!Please log in to respond to this comment.
This was great, Christine. I think you have 'said' what a lot of us just think about. No one could have said it better. Thanks for putting our thoughts into words.SandraPlease log in to respond to this comment.“You have 'said' what a lot of us just think about”.THANK YOU Sandra for the liberating comment. If only we (yes, including me) had more of that kind of honesty, I think that we’d have less of the social fears that force us to sometimes wear masks that aren’t human.Marianne Williamson in A Return To Love put it so beautifully when she said” Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us… And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others".Please log in to respond to this comment.
Good gracious girl, enough of the "I'm a Canadian" and "You know how us Canadians are".. Can't we just have a two way conversation here without me having to hear how "Canadian" you are! Good griefHe-he, just having a little fun, I haven't felt like laughing much lately but i thought i'd pick at you a little bit. Loved the article, you have a wonderful way with words and write so annoyingly well, lol (to read, I'm jealous). Take care and have a wonderful day!!!Please log in to respond to this comment.Oh Girl... in Canada they… the Canadian people… for Canada’s sake… O! Caaanaaadaaa….If there is anything anyone can accuse Myla Madson of, it’s NOT not being real. I added the bit on Canada after I posted the article (just for the hypocrisy of it), and trust you to call me out on it… and not even in a nice way. Can it ever get any more human than that?!Thank you for keeping it real and human -- both in your comments and articles. We Canadians like people who are real…lolI’ll take care, you do too. Good day!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Sorry Christine, I feel your pain but I had to laugh. Your opening reminded me of the movie "American Pie". "And at band camp..." You have to have seen the movie. :)I feel for the guy, I know what it is to be obsessed with any one topic. Right now I'm driving my family nuts talking about my work. Give him another chance and ask him some heartfelt, specific questions, maybe he'll surprise you!Please log in to respond to this comment.Hi Brianna, I’ve not watched any of those movies, but sounds funny. When it comes to watching movies, I am still working progress… :-)As for my friend, we had a laugh after he read the article. He knows it’s not really about him but me trying to make a point about how we sometimes come across as a broken record, literally and not even be aware of it. War-zone experiences are sometimes just too traumatic to be put in words. The best I can do is show him I understand -- and elbow jab him every now and then so he doesn’t completely tune out of reality…:-)Thank you for the comment. Are you done harassing the family… yet…:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
Christine,Yes, what's interesting is that in our church we actually don't say the word "God" or "Jesus" too much out of respect for the holiness of those beings. But one day when a member of our church came into a classroom after our meeting was done and said "So, did you find Jesus?" I just had to laugh. I think the first thing is that you have to be real not a walk-on-water wanna-be.The problem may be that these people who latch so much onto the Jesus phenomenon are more emotionally in need of help than advocates of the Savior. I find that the people who understand what He is about don't abuse or overuse his name. They use the philosophy "Don't cast pearls before swine," meaning, if they ain't ready, willing, and able leave 'em alone.Religion is such a touchy subject that it should generally be breached between friends by a friend who finds Christ's message of such great value and worth he has to share it, respectfully, patiently. It's been found that the majority who convert are converted by friends or family. And besides, Christ never bashed anyone over the head with his teachings.
P.S.
I'm 6'4" and my wife's 5'3". She not only has to get on her toes to kiss me but oftentimes on the furniture ;=)Please log in to respond to this comment.“Christ never bashed anyone over the head with his teachings”.He did. But NEVER the people who needed salvation. He went after the religious extremists who should have known better. My thinking is that He basically lived rebelling against the “religious” establishment. And boy! Did He call them names or what…LOLBut I hear what you are saying, Jeff. For me it’s the extremism of anything -- religion, ideology, attitudes, vices, career, hobbies etc. at the expense of basic human-to-human interaction that often times has me concerned. I believe that any society is at its best when its people are living authentically -- who they really are. We don’t have to be like everyone else to impress a few, just be the best of who we are. I’d rather someone likes me for me rather than like the person I am unsuccessfully trying to be.Thank you for adding to the discussion.PS: You shouldn’t have! Now I have this image in my head of 6'4" kissing 5'3 who is standing on the furniture… get out of my head… get a room…lolPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Christine,I think your article is paramount to how Christians place to much inference on Jesus the spirit, and not Jesus the man. We are not in heaven yet. Christians need to take time and be real and straight forward when it comes to dating. Meaning, there is nothing wrong with talking about Jesus on the first date, but talk about how he relates to life on Earth and things of human exists: music, colors you like, and books. I was like you didn't find much interest in born again ladies. They bored me because all they talked about was just Jesus. I was interested in what books they read, what was there political affiliatations etc..etc.. So thank you for speaking truth and wisdom about a this topic.Sincerely,LawrencePlease log in to respond to this comment.Lawrence, I can see you know exactly how I came up with the “Jesus This, Jesus That” phrase. Like you said “there is nothing wrong with talking about Jesus on the first date”. There is even nothing wrong with talking about Him on every date as long as it shows the multi-dimensional aspects of someone’s being.We have a saying: “Just because you have washed your feet doesn’t mean you can't walk on the ground.” Some people wash their feet and just sit in one spot telling others what they would do if they were walking on the ground.I hope you met the woman who not only has "washed her feet", but still walks on the ground. You have a wonderful day… :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hey YangkiI'am born again Christain coming from a Muslim back ground.I've a Muslim for 36 years.Raised in Egypt and been to almost all Africa.The problem with new borns is that they want to tell the whole world about themselves.And they go out and try to convert every kid on the blook.The best way to do it is to live your life glorifing the LORD.And when people ask you,you can tell them about JESUS.People need to live this country and go to Africa and they'll have too many topics they can talk about.I was in IRAQ last year and the year before but because I consider my self normal.I don't come back talk about IRAQ like your friend did 'cause after a while this will die.Unless they send him back real soon.What is wrong with just getting to know each other the normal way....Please for GOD sake!Please log in to respond to this comment."What is wrong with just getting to know each other the normal way!"Thank you and thank you! A Many good points there.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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