18 Hot Words and Phrases You Should Never Say To Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Posted: Tuesday, May 12, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
Here is a scene you may be familiar with. You and your ex are trying to get back together and all seems to be going well. Then you say or do something that your ex interprets as a criticism, an attack or insult. Your ex retaliates in words or action. You who meant no harm in the first place, now feel that your ex's reaction is uncalled for or over the top. Before you know it, defenses go up, and it snowballs from there.
Certain words or phrases just have away of triggering unpleasant emotions trigger specific emotions and elicit responses that affect the outcome of any contact you have with your ex -- email, text, phone or face-to-face. The difference between what one person says and what the other hears is even greater if the break-up was unpleasant.
Words and phrases that trigger unpleasant emotions often have the following characteristics:
-- They express bad feelings-- includes blaming, trying to abdicate responsibility, trying to prove your ex is wrong and you are right, getting off track by focusing on how difficult or obnoxious your ex seems etc.
-- The make your ex feel like he or she is being told what to do -- includes offering unwelcome and unsolicited advice (coaching, psychoanalyzing or counselling).
-- They label your ex unfairly or negatively -- includes demeaning, name-calling, talking ill of your ex, glossing it over issues etc
-- They exaggerate feelings/hurt -- includes trying to create guilt, using excessive dramatic language, making uop stuff that didn't even happen etc.
-- They show desperation and neediness -- includes pressuring your ex to change, offering reassurances that are hollow or not based on reality, lacking in understanding of needs, and wants with respect to the issues that caused the break-up etc.
10 of the commonest "hot" words and phrases that trigger unpleasant emotions no matter how nice your tone of voice may be include:
1. You claim that...
2. You have a problem with...
3. Do you understand?
4. You don't understand/fail to understand that...
5. I think you need to...
6. What's your problem?
7. This has to stop!
8. You are being unfair
9. Why do you always have to be...
10. I don't care/whatever.....
11. That does not deserve a response
12. Nothing I say/do is ever right/good enough for you!
13. I'm sorry that that's how you feel but...
14. You have no regard for my feelings
15. You wouldn't treat me this way if...
16. You're playing games
17. There we go again
18. Calm down!
The good news is that these kinds of misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication can be resolved with open and positive communication. I say open and positive communication because the absence of communication (i.e. no contact) in many instances also triggers unpleasant emotions. When you cut off all contact, you also cut off any communication avenues for clarifying unresolved issues or actions, or even stopping a rumour.
The bottom line is that words and phrases are powerful. Understanding how words and language (or lack thereof) affect your day-to-day communication with your ex will set a more positive and pleasant tone for the interaction, allow you to manage all your interactions (email, text, phone or face-to-face) with confidence, and increases the chances of a positive outcome.
Replace negative words and phrases with positive, uplifting words and phrases -- and you'll see a positive change in you ex's attitude toward you!
All the very best!
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I can understand them very well.ThanksClarencePlease log in to respond to this comment.
It was helpful, i am a 20 year old lady in love with a guy older than me and suddenly he just called it quit with out a reason why we have to break up, i tried forgetting him but he is forever on my mind, it has been know three months but i'm still deeply in love with this guy. I just can't see myself with another man.SmileyPlease log in to respond to this comment.
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