Home » These Yankees and Their Dollars -- Raising a Child or Destroying a Village?

Before you get all excited under the armpits, I do not have any negative feelings towards Yankees. It's just that I have always wanted to use the word "Yankees" in an article but never had the opportunity. And since the American dollar is still the "world currency" (no idea for how much longer) it felt so right to put the two together for the purpose of this article.

If you have sponsored a child, are sponsoring a child or are considering sponsoring a child in a developing country, I applaud you. Child sponsorship is a very noble course with very many rewards for both the sponsor and sponsored child. Unfortunately, some child sponsorship organizations are much more concerned with making a good impression in order to continue receiving funding than dealing with on-the-ground realities of child sponsorship programmes.

You've probably heard of the African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child.

In the traditions of many African cultures, children are considered newly arrived messengers from the world of the spirit, of the ancestors. And like the ancestors from whom they just came, children are the soul of each village. Their arrival from the spirit world to the community is celebrated at every stage (some of these rituals are so beautifully written in Welcoming Spirit Home by Sobonfu).

Conception is cause for much pride for the whole village. There are rituals for the announcement of the incoming soul to the community, some of which entail men and women, young and old, rubbing or kissing the belly of the pregnant mother and singing songs of welcome. There are also rituals for asking the spirit of the child (before birth) what he/she is coming to to be (the spirit's song) and to accomplish within and for the community.

At birth there are welcoming ceremonies, Sobonfu writes "One beautiful feature of this is that the other village children (standing together in the next room) imitate the newborn child's first cry as accurately as possible to let the newborn know he/she has come to the right place".

There are "birth rituals" which last months and include other women bathing the "mother of our child" with special body rejuvinating herbs, preparing her special meals and making sure the child's physical and emotional needs are well taken care of. Then there is the naming ritual which is a big deal in almost all African cultures. Each child receives his/her "own name" (different from family name or Christian/Muslim name). Part of the ritual is for everyone present to touch the child on the head, face, shoulders, hands and legs, and vow to help the child in every way possible to accomplish what his/her spirit came to do on earth (vow to help the child sing his/her song).

There are also bonding rituals between child and mother, child and father, child and aunties and uncles, and child and siblings (there is no word for "cousin" in most African languages because cousins are considered brothers and sisters).

 

The bonding between the child (having recently come from the ancestor world) and grandparent (closer to the time they leave for the ancestor world) is probably the most important bonding ritual of all. Grandparent and child teach each other what the other needs to know about the world he/she just arrived into and the one the other is about to depart for.  As the child grows, he/she goes through rite of passage to adulthood rituals, marriage rituals, funeral rituals and other rituals in-between.

These rituals instill in the child a sense of self-worth and belonging, and strengthen each individual thereby strengthening the whole village. Everyone in the community is responsible for teaching, disciplining, protecting and raising the child to become one of the pillars of the community. The child in turn is responsible to and for the community -- including its prosperity and continuity. Of all the things I remember most from being raised by my village, the words "Remember who you are!" stand out loud and clear.

Many of these African traditional practices have either disappeared or are disappearing mostly in so called "modern" communities. This is partly why Africa has street kids, child-headed families, single-parent children, child prostitutes, child domestic workers, etc. all modern realities which are not part of African cultures. In many ways we Africans have shamed our accentors and indeed our identity when we built walls between the child and the village that is supposed to protect, nurture and raise him or her to accomplish what he/she came to do within and for the community. We as a people have failed to help the child sing the song of his/her spirit.

Now add to the mix child sponsorship programmes that have no clue or do not value  the African family make-up and African childrearing practices.

 

Most parents find themselves feeling frustrated, humiliated and worthless because most child sponsorships insist that a sponsor's donations be used in the direct care -- education, medical care and gifts -- of only the one child being sponsored. Unable to provide for their other children what the sponsor organizations offer the sponsored child, parents feel controlled by external forces that do not take into account the values and interests of the traditional African family unit. Moreover some sponsor organizations insist that a child convert to a particular church group or ministry to continue receiving help. Some children are even asked to change their name to a Western name that the sponsor can write or pronounce.

Alienated from family and village, the sponsored child becomes completely dependent on the sponsor and sponsor agency. As the gap between the "have and have nots" increases, values like individualism and materialism replace African values like close relationships, belonging, self-determination and contributing to the community

Some children begin to resent their families and their own lives as they compare the materially limited lives they live with what they read about in the sponsor's letters. They develop unrealistic expectations -- dreaming of some day leaving the poor family and going to live with their rich sponsors. Unrealistic expectations lead to disillusionment when the child realizes, "It's not gonna happen". Many of these children eventually drop out of school altogether - socially alienated, disconnected, discontented, insecure, distrusting, depressed and feeling hopeless.

Instead of providing for "a better life and future" for a child, a sponsor's good intentions end up destroying relationship bonds and creating a wall between the child (the soul of each village) and the village, thereby destroying the child and the village.

If you are in it just for the "personal reasons" and rewards child sponsorship brings to you as an individual, what happens to the child and the village is "their problem" -- each to their own.  But if you are in it for the right reasons, do thorough research on a sponsorship programme to make sure your sponsorship -- money, gifts, letters and cards -- does not create a materialistic and individualistic mindset, dependency, hopelessness, disconnectedness, resentment, feelings of guilt, inequality and an altered sense of belonging -- some of the very social inequalities and economic disparities you as a well-intentioned sponsor hoped to eliminate.

The best sponsorship programmes are those that "sponsor a village". This does not mean that you will be asked to provide for the livelihood of each person in the village, but that the assistance you send goes into community projects -- immunization, clean water, building schools or health centers etc., for the community of the child you are sponsoring.

You can do much more good helping a village raise a child than trying to raise the child yourself. And if you can afford a trip to your sponsor village, I encourage you to visit. You may not be able to solve all the problems and change Africa, but I guarantee you one thing: Africa will change you -- forever. That's a guarantee you can take to the bank!

To all Africans in the Diaspora -- Remember who you are. They are probably singing "your song" right now!