Should You Take Your Ex Back? 10 Signs That Say You Shouldn't Take Him/Her Back (Yet)
Posted: Thursday, August 20, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
This list of "don't take your ex back (yet)" signs applies to men and women alike.
1. S/he has not completely accepted that you're broken up and still talks like you're still together or acts like you owe him/her something.
2. Contacts (in person, letter, cards, email, text or phone) are always about him/her trying to convince you that s/he has changed. Even when s/he is talking about you or the relationship, you get the sense he has no real interest in what you think, your needs or wishes.
4. S/he is (still) blaming "someone else" (you, your friend (s), relative(s), "other man/woman" etc.) for the problems in the relationship, for the break-up or for the two of you not being able to "get back" together.
5. S/he is still obsessed with "fixing you" and talks like s/he knows you better than you know yourself. You feel like you're constantly being "coached/counseled" by a life coach/relationships "expert".
6. S/he won't let you take any responsibility for your role in the break up. Says things like "You were great, I'm the one who messed up" or "You're a wonderful person, I made you do x and y". See this for what it is, "emotional bribery". It takes two to create a relationship and it takes two to destroy it. If /she doesn't get that simple fact, s/he still doesn't get it. It's that simple!
7. S/he is using your family/friends to get to you. Someone who can't come up to you and "face" you has something to hide. I'm not talking about being "friendly" with your family/friends, it's great to have someone who gets along with your family/friends. I am talking about hearing from your friends things like "She says she still loves you", or "He says he wants you back" etc. Someone doing this knows that if and when s/he says those things to you, s/he won't be believed (and for a good reason). So s/he "uses people" who you already trust.
8. S/he is still playing stupid mind-games with you and trying to manipulate your emotions (e.g. trying to make you jealous/angry; ignoring you (NC) or telling you s/he is moving on one minute and the next s/he wants you back).
9. You see obvious signs of the things that made you break up in the first place. From a distance they may not be like a "big deal" but when you get back together, it's same-old-same-old all over again.
10. Last but most important of all, listen to what your gut tells you (it's the wrong person, the wrong relationship or the wrong timing).
If you're really not sure and part of you believes that s/he really has changed, then give it a try, but take very small baby steps - and be mindful of the above red flags.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
This Article has been viewed 4,032 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)your "ex" is an ex for a reason. These 10 signs are right on point!!!!! I have been there and done that. I have given myself time and NO CONTACT RULE, to realize I deserve BETTER! I choose to go forwarded in life/love.Please log in to respond to this comment.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.