My Love Is Your Love - Why Every Couple Should Have "Our Song"
Posted: Thursday, August 20, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
If like me you've had more than one shot at love, then you probably have had more than one "our song" in your lifetime.
My current one (and hopefully "It'll take eternity to break us up") is Whitney Houston's "My Love Is Your Love."
The words that I love most about this song are:
If tomorrow were judgement day
And I'm standing on the frontline
And the Lord asked me what I did with my life
I'll say, "I spent it with you".
French or Italian may be the (so they say) universal language of romantic love, but music... music is THE LANGUAGE OF ETERNAL LOVE. Anyone who doubts this has probably never been "in love" or has never had his or her heart broken.
Talking about "broken hearts", God knows how many times I played Mariah Carey's "You'll Always Be My Baby". You know that part that says, "You'll always be a part of me, I'm part of you indefinitely. Boy, don't you know you can't escape me" (Boy-oh-boy! such an ego I had back then!)
The song goes on, "I know that you'll be back, boy. When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, I know that you'll be right back, baby. Oh baby, believe me it's only a matter of time" (Yeah-right, he did come back... married to someone else!). The poor guy had had enough of my commitment phobia, and good for him that he finally had the guts to walk away, forcing me to face my own "issues".
My "musical love life" aside, music has a unique ability to move us so deeply, and to leave memories that last a lifetime. Research even suggests that, music has the power unlike anything else to trigger strong feelings and momentarily bring back to "the present" even people with Alzheimer's Disease.
-- A father who no longer can remember his family or what he was doing for longer than a moment or two, but when he gets up on stage with his old singing group, he sings a song word for word, and beautifully (Documentary: The Memory Loss Tapes).
-- A WW II vet whose wife tried to walk with him and hold hands, but he would shake her off, leaving her heartsick. But when Dr. Alicia Clair (a professor of music therapy at the University of Kansas) put on Frank Sinatra's "Time after Time", The WW II vet stared a moment, then walked over to his wife and began leading her in the foxtrot. This is a man who has forgotten his name and can't utter one word.
So yes, the little everyday "say and do" gestures of love do matter, but when little else is left of a relationship because of so much hurt and pain caused to the other or because of injury or disease, ONLY music has the ability-- like nothing else -- to spark a dormant emotion, to stir memories, to transport us back to the "good old days".
In the words of my man, "No one really knows you until they've seen you wind and gyrate to African music. I can't help it but keep falling and falling in love, again and again!
If anything ever happened to him and he couldn't remember much else (God forbid!), I want to be able to play "our song" and dance "our dance" and help him remember what's like to fall in love again and again and again. And...
As the years they pass us by
we stay young through each other's eyes
And no matter how old we get
It's okay as long as I got you babe
(Lyrics from "My Love Is Your Love)
When was the last time you made a CD of your favourite songs and danced with your husband, boyfriend or partner to every single song?
When was the last time you turned to your husband, boyfriend or partner and said "Honey, they're playing our song?"
Do you have a specific song that reminds you of a special time in your love life? Your first love? An unforgettable date? A making-up moment? A break up song? A story of someone who suffers from memory loss? Etc. Please leave a comment or if you're shy about going "public with private things", send me an email, I'd love to hear about your "our song" stories.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)'My Babies got blue eyes'His were green, but that's a minor detail ;)Please log in to respond to this comment.
As a Medium I see people connect memories to songs all the time. Often when loved ones have passed a song will come on and it makes people reconnect with the memory and feelings of being together again. I personally can recall the songs which were around at the most important times in my life.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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