The Downside Of Make Up Sex
Posted: Wednesday, September 09, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
It's been said sex sells but it's more like sex fixes everything: horniness, loneliness, frustration, sadness, a headache, work stress, boredom, emotional vulnerability, low self esteem, guilt, a fight (especially that one!) etc. Things that have nothing at all to do with sex, let alone making love.
For many couples, sex is the "default approach" to handling relationship problems or a "solution" to a problem. Don't seem to have much in common to talk about? Have sex. Don't feel emotionally close? Have sex. Don't communicate well? Have sex. The relationship is not working? Have more sex.
You can't bring all the emotional issues from your childhood and adolescence, problems in the relationship, from your ex, from work, from articles on perfecting orgasms, etc. to bed with you and have the audacity to be surprised that sex didn't solve all your problems.
Couples who use sex to avoid dealing directly with issues in the relationship don't stay together for very long. Most spend much of their time together being angry at each other. Many eventually lose the "sexual connection" or develop "sexual problems" which initially weren't there. A man with pre-exisiting anxiety problems finds himself unable to have an erection. A woman with low-self esteem finds herself feeling sexually undesirable. Someone with anger issues or fear of abandonment becomes unbearably controlling, etc.
So the next time you have this urge to bonk away your relationship problem, ask yourself: "Am I creating many more problems or trying to solve one problem?"
Rather than rushing into sex every time you're faced with a problem in the relationship, it is wise to put your efforts into trying to figure out what is causing stress in your relationship and resolving those problems - without using sex.
This makes far more sense than seeking a quick sex-fix that could lead to all kinds of "sexual problems" further down the line.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)I know this is kind of off-topic, but when people ask me why I'm 45 and still single (and don't date), how can I explain to them the real reason? The real reason is that, in the past, I’ve fallen madly in love with women who didn’t care any more about me than a dirty sock. In fact, no woman that I've ever been interested in has ever been interest in me. Therefore, I decided that I had just had enough of that crap and to instead stick with things that I was good at.
My number one priority now is to protect my feelings and not risk being hurt or disappointed. The best way for me to do this is to just stay away from women. I'd rather devote my energies to things that I get satisfaction and pleasure from -- not stuff than causes me pain and hurt.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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