Do You Have A Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? What Are The Odds?
Posted: Tuesday, September 29, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
Is it possible to get back together after a break up? Yes. Is it possible to get back an ex after along period of time apart? Yes, absolutely.
But not everyone gets back with their ex. Each relationship is different and each couple is different. Some relationships have a better foundation and others were nothing but a series of one night stands. Some relationships have nothing except assumptions, neediness and stress, and others were great relationships that ended because of a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication.
1. How long were you in the relationship?
People whove been in a relationship for a longer period of time tend to stand a better chance because of the bond created over time.
2. How serious was your relationship?
If you have both introduced each other to your closest friends/family and if their reaction was positive, the encouragement (or pressure) from your social support networks often works to your advantage. The opposite is also true.
3. Why did you break up?
This one is a big one. Some reasons for a break-up are easily reconcilable and others are deal breakers. The deal breakers often include: no feelings of attraction, feeling that the relationship is wrong or that the other is not the right person, conflict in life styles and goals etc.
4. How did you break up?
People who consider their break up mutual or amiable are more likely to keep in touch than where a break up was nasty. They are also more likely to remember and reminisce on the positive things about the relationship, what could have been done better etc. This may lead to wanting to try and see if they can do it better.
5. What changes has each made since breaking up?
Unless an ex believes the relationship will be different/better than what he/she walked away from, they see no point in getting back together.
6. Is your ex seeing/dating someone else?
If your ex is with someone else, he or she may not be in a hurry to get back together because s/he wants to see if the other relationship offers more. A lot depends on whether you can show him/her that what you offer is better.
7. Where is a relationship in the list of his/her priorities?
After a break-up most people tend to pour all their time and energy onto something else e.g. personal development, spiritual pursuits, career, hobby, social networking etc. These can become attractive alternatives and will require more effort and resourceful on your part to be able to inject yourself into your exs new life.
8. What have you tried doing to get your ex back?
Some things people do to try to get their ex back actually make it impossible to get an ex back. They either confirm what the ex does not want about you or brings out the worst in you that your ex did not even know existed.
9. Geographic proximity
Men and woman in long distance relationships may face additional relationship uncertainty which may influence the desire to try again or thwart attempts to make it work. On the other hand, distance if used correctly is a positive ingredient for starting a fresh.
10. Ability to handle uncertainty
Vague statements, conflicting signals and shifting positions often get many people so stressed out that they start acting in counter-productive ways. Men and women who are better able to detect (sometimes it is just your gut instinct), the inconsistent or contradicting information or signals from an ex and use that to elicit cooperation have a better chance of turning things around.
These are just the common indicators. Like I said, each relationship is different and each couple is different. With a little careful planning, a good strategy, patience and consistency, most situations can be turned around.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Christine, I have been reading a lot of your articles/blog on this sight and they really help. However, I have been researching a lot on the internet and I get a lot of mixed information regarding "How to get or if your ex wants you back." My ex and I broke up about 4 wks ago. We have been in contact, with me initiating most (if not all) of the contact. At first I asked him to reconcider, but he stuck to the reason we broke up and that is "to work on ourselves." He said that we both deserve to be happy and that he would like to see other people. I agree that we deserve to be happy, but I realize that we had a bunch of miscommunication in our relationship that one, caused a lot of "I deserve to have my needs met and you should be meeting them" syndrome without the other person knowing what the needs are, and two, me exaggerating my own faults so now he may believe he is better than me (maybe even better off).
Now, he has said in conversation that he still loves me, but he just needs time to love himself (which is good). He has also stated that he has never gotten back together with and ex, but I feel that may be irrelevant to our situation (at least I hope). I also made up some signs that I surprised him with at his door step. They were poster flash cards, if that description helps, that I wrote why I loved him and appreciating him for being part of my life. I scrolled through them to appropriate music. He later told me in a conversation that it was things like the flash cards that he thinks that I am the one (because he needs little things like that to feel appreciated - one of the relationship issues is we didn't spend enough time doing this). Additionally, when he asked me when I was going to get my stuff from his house and I replied, "I don't know. Why don't you just let me know when's a good time. I am sure we will see each other again," he nodded his head with a smeark on his face in agreement. Am I just bending the possiblity that he may want to get back together in my own head or do you think (from the little I have disclosed) that he may really want to get back together?
I am on the path to developing a plan to win him back as well as work on issues I have in love. I truely picture happiness (in love) with this person (my ex) and am happy went I bring it into my life. But am I just a hopeless dreamer?
Thank you again for all your advise/articles.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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