Hypocrisy Is A Bitch. Ain't It?
Posted: Tuesday, November 03, 2009
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
I wear the same old pair of jeans three to four times a week. Yeah, so what?
My work desk isn't exactly the tidiest in the world. So what?
I pronounce "daughter" and "water" with a little more weight on "taah". I sure do, so what?
Do I need a new pair of jeans? Who cares? Should I try to tidy up my desk a little bit? When I feel like it. Do I want to get rid of my "accent"? Hell NO! Who doesn't want being told they sound sexy and "exotic" (whatever the "racist" word means).
The name calling is the least of my concerns. Who cares? My problem is who are you to tell me what it is that I want? What I should believe? How I should stand or sit? What I should wear? What I should and should not say? How I ought to live my life?
What have you done that qualifies you to give me advice on anything? How have you lived that you should tell me how to live? Have you walked in my shoes to know what's like to be me? Do you know what keeps me awake at night? Who told you I aspire to be just like you? What's your success story?
Sounds like the ramblings of a rebellious teen, doesn't it?
It seems that everywhere you turn these days there is someone telling you how to live your life, telling you how you should think about things, telling you the ideologies to believe, telling you which products and services to buy, telling you where to spend more money, showing you where to go and when to go, and so forth.
I personally think that at one time or another we all need a teacher, may be even an advisor or counsellor or consultant. We don't know what we don't know and it always pays to learn from those who've been there and done that.
Oprah has earned the right to talk about "From Rags to Riches" (I still think she should avoid the "weight loss" topic. Her own perfectly worded weight - loss tips don't seem to work for her).
Donald Trump can rightfully talk about "From A Small Businessman to a Successful Multinational Corporation." He has the money and the towers to show for it.
Nelson Mandela brings tears to my eyes when he talks about "The Power of Forgiveness." Who knows betrayal, perseverance and victory better than the old man himself?
The Dalai Lama... that man can sing a song with just the word "peace" repeated over and over and I'd sit there all day mesmerized by his peaceful Self.
Angelina Jolie, well what can I say? She owns "sexy". Even I, the Love Doctor wouldn't mind a piece of that (not the way you think, silly).
I could go on and on not just about famous people but about ordinary everyday men and women who can teach us a thing or two about something that actually adds value to the quality of our lives. But there is a difference between me wanting to learn from someone and even deliberately seeking out the advice and guidance of a particular individual and someone trying to rum their "knowledge" down my throat for whatever reason.
I don't want to be walking down the street and some homeless man suddenly feels inspired to give me advice on how to invest in real estate; a guy that's just filed for bankruptcy telling me how to manage my finances; a junkie talking down to me about self-restraint; someone who hates his salary job telling me how to run my private practice; some "self-help guru" on Prozac telling me the secret to a happy life; a bigot preaching tolerance to me; a doormat telling me how to take criticism; a miser telling me the benefits of being compassionate; a hermit teaching me social skills; a controlling person telling me how to be a good friend; a bald man telling me what shampoo to buy... you get my point.
Do I sound arrogant? May be, but so what? I've been accused of worse things.
Many of us for whatever reason seem to have given up our right to think for ourselves, make our own decisions and manage our own lives. We rely on "instant experts" who talk as if they know everything. And the internet has made it so easy for anyone -- and I mean a-n-y-o-n-e- to Google anything, and next thing you know they sound like the idea came to them in an inspired dream, they studied all night and invented something unoriginal.
If you ask me, the world does not need more instant experts spilling "Magic Secrets" that haven't worked for them - and won't work for anyone. What the world needs is people who get things done!
Next time someone tries to rum their "righteous superiority" down your throat, ask yourself:
1. Is this person telling me how much they know or what I need to know.
2. Is this person just reciting rehearsed facts or sharing something insightful.
3. Does this person have the relevant experience (and possibly a "success story") to support his or her ideas, claims, ramblings, etc.
If still unsure, throw in there a well placed question that digs deeper into whatever the person is saying. See if the person will and is capable of connecting many different ideas, meanings or concepts or if they'll just say "thank you for asking."
If he or she passes the test, then may he or she is genuinely an "expert" on the subject. Even then, be weary of those that talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You shall tell them by their fruit!
I said it. Now I'll go hide and listen to the dogs barking, "Yangki, Be Nice!"
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Hi YCA I often wonder are you at war with yourself or with others. Some times I can't make it out. However in reading this article which I thoroughly enjoyed I see myself in you. I make my own choices in life so therefore cannot blame others for my mistakes. And believe you me I have made many. As for others pushing people to do something their not comfortable with, then I say "You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink" As for the jeans you speak about I also like you have a pair the same, and "so what" if I don't change mine either.Keep well - gotta go because I am being "ORDERED" by my son 22 years of age, weighing 15 stone through working out in the gym to give him back his jeans. Okay "so what" I fibbed about them being mine.I maybe only 5 foot 2 but it ain't the size the dog in the fight it's size of the fight in the dog so I ain't taking no S...t - 15 stone or not. Thanks for the great readKeep wellKacyPlease log in to respond to this comment.“are you at war with yourself or with others”Interesting statement. If by "others" you mean people on Searchwarp, NO! Other than a couple of people who I know in real life/person and a handful I’ve communicated with via email and phone, I barely know people here to form a realistic/true opinion about them, let alone be at ‘war”. I’m however, at war with some donor agencies, drug companies and “instant Africa experts” who claim to be working in the best interest of the millions of people affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. They’re on my mind when I write and post my articles and most of my comments. I can get that way sometimes on things that consume much of my time and keep me awake at night me. It helps me get important things done! I apologize if I come across as at war with anyone on SW.Any advice on dealing with the BIG Sharks?Please log in to respond to this comment.Yes eat them. We tend to call these so called people at the top who think they know it all etc "BIG FISH" or "BIG FRY." Just like you YCA I too have those sleepless nights you refer to and about the same pointers you address here, however there is one issue that destroys me that I refuse to read about or watch is, innocent children getting hurt. I have many times wanted to write on this but cannot get past the first sentence without breaking my heart.In regards to the above comment I made -all was was in jest but "SO WHAT" if you couldn't see through this (lol)Keep wellKacyPlease log in to respond to this comment.Kacy, for some reason I never saw this... I thought I might have said something you didn't like very much and thought to myself...so what! (kidding).I wish I could also refuse to read/watch/talk about etc but it's like trying to get out of my own skin... I am because they are... that's just the way it is and the way I want it to be. What keeps me awake at night is knowing that I CAN do something but first I have to move some mountains. And I'll keep trying even if it's the last thing I do before I draw my last breath.Oh! about the comment... I'm very sensitive like that...hehe-heee!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Nice is over-rated. You go girl! Well put. :)Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks Brianna!Please log in to respond to this comment.
I gotta echo Brianna: You go girl! (actually, I was going to say that before I read her comment...)I am tired, as well, of everyone telling me, whether directly or subliminally, how to look, act, feel, speak, etc. Thanks for putting it all out there.DebiPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thank God! Nice to meet another person who feels like me. We were just talking about this with a couple others and someone said it feels like being in one of those “mind control” or “body snatcher” horror movies. All the other people who’ve succumbed telling you “you’ll feel great!” and the ones resisting telling you “whatever you do, don’t fall asleep” or “they’ll know you’re not one of them if show any emotion”.I’m not yet that paranoid…lol. Still got the fight in me…:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.I'm glad to meet you, too. We need to fight Them as much as possible. I have a 10-yr-old daughter and I am doing my best to make sure she's not being brainwashed...that she keeps her head when all around her are losing theirs!! So, I need all the support I can get.Thanks again,DebiPlease log in to respond to this comment.
I enjoyed your article very much and it is so very true. Thanks for sharing.Linda DPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thanks Linda! Glad you agree and enjoyed my ramblings...:-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Christine (that's how I first "met" you and how I think of you).If there's anything that gets my undies in a bunch it's someone telling be how to "be." Just don't even get me started. I absolutely loved your rant ... er ... article. :) I wish more people would think for themselves the way that you do.Great job!DiannePlease log in to respond to this comment.“undies in a bunch!” LOL. I have a very fertile imagination… please get started!Call me Christine, Diane! It’s my name too…:-).. I wish more people would just live their lives and stop trying to live other people’s lives! I don't think that's asking for too much...I’m glad you could relate and enjoyed my rant ... er ... article. Thanks!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Before getting too defensive, always remember that hypocrites don't realize they're being hypocritical, and stupid people don't realize the stupid things they do until well after the fact. Jumping at them just makes them a defensive hypocrite, which won't help at all.People who "give advice" usually do so out of empathy. This might be hard to see when they're doing it, but you also have to realize that since people only have their own thoughts to reference, they have to assume that everyone thinks like them at least to some degree. This is why some of the more narrow minded types are always looking for the "inner them" in you.Trust me, they generally don't mean any harm, and it's the intent that you should focus on. Take it from me, a very non-Christian growing up in the bible belt.
Good article, though, and one would hope that those who preach will read it and take it to heart. The more people think about their actions, the better this world will be.Please log in to respond to this comment.A very interesting perspective and approach to the subject. It’s the “only have their own thoughts to reference, they have to assume that everyone thinks like them at least to some degree” that sometimes gets to me. Intent and all that is good, but I think that if more people “got out of themselves” once in a while they might actually see that there are people who think and do things differently - and that’s OKAY! We don't have to be clones of each other.As you rightly say, not everyone who “gives advice” means harm. The “instant experts” who “inspired” me to write this article however, are doing LOTS OF HARM when they test HIV/AIDS vaccines on unsuspecting African villagers. The notion that a few must die to save many, is misplaced as HIV/AIDS is not just a “scientific” construct that needs to be addressed in a very narrow sense. If this disease has to be tackled, it has to be addressed more, and led by people who understand Africa, Africans and the challenges of the African continent. Not some "intellectual" sitting on his desk and has never been to Africa, let alone has a passport! Just because someone can say "anything" doesn't mean they know "anything" about it.I appreciate your contribution and insight! Welcome to Searchwarp. I hope to see more of your "way of thinking" on here... refreshing!!! :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.
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